What Do You Do...

when you leave for Ethiopia in a matter of hours?

You watch The Bachelor. Because it's hilarious and because it's an ounce of normalcy that has not come your way in at least 2 days. (But seriously, they just attempted to play rugby, and it was a sad representation of women in athletics, but whatever).

So we're packed. Turns out 50lbs is heavier than I thought...meaning you can get A LOT of luggage stuffed into 50lbs. If it weren't for the immense amount of donations we got, we'd be left with very little luggage. I'm highly impressed with the two of us (but mostly just me, because this is rare for me).

I'm on our computer, which is a great sign. It looks different and doesn't remember my favorite websites which is sad. At least it's something.

I just had to say good bye to my puppy. I probably won't see him for 2 weeks as we'll give Tariku a few days before we sic the 115lb lab on him. Makes me miss him already.

It's happening isn't it? Commercial is over. I'm out. :)

jdf;aljdfoadhgl;iajdoahid

That's the sound a computer makes when the hard drive crashes. I know this, because it happend to our laptop just a few short hours ago. Which laptop you ask? Oh that'd be our laptop we were planning on taking to Ethiopia. Are you staying calm Tesi, you may ask? Hells to the no, is what I would answer, should anyone ask me this.

So yeah computer is down. Zach went to Best Buy and they were "nice" enough to install a new hard drive for us (they were nice, but it was EXPENSIVE). Good news is we'll have something for Ethiopia. Bad news is, nothing is backed up because we are not good computer users. So we're praying there is a computer genius out there who can fix it for us.

And my hair appointment was rescheduled.

Could it get any worse? :)

Other than that, we're hanging in over here. I'm packed, Tariku is packed. Trysten and Dailah are packed. Zach is still holding out for clean clothes. :)

My mom's friends sure do know how to rally around a good cause. We've got donations raining around us like it's our business. There are no words for how much we appreciate the support!

And we have one and half days. And I must get to Wal Mart soon, I was told just today that Tariku likes sunglasses...a lot. So I need to go buy all they have apparently. He must like me, and everyone knows a mom without sunglasses to give to her new son is no mom at all.

2 Days

So yesterday we went to church, to small group and then met my parents at an outlet mall to do a little retail therapy. Church was great. It solidified the fact that Zach and I are the perfect couple, ahem, which is always nice. Small group was wonderful as we were met with many well wishers and people promising to pray for us, which is always comforting. Not to mention Cassie brought heaping bags of donations for the care center, which is much appreciated as well. Shopping with my parents felt wonderful. You should be proud of me to hear I only cried a few minutes once I left them. It makes me wonder if there's a 12 step program for adoption? I think I've been at the "cry it out" stage for awhile. Or perhaps I'm at the second "cry it out" stage. Who knows. Either way, whew! Last night I "encouraged" Zach to start packing. We're getting there, we're getting there.

So 2 more days. I mean, I don't even know what to say about it except it's becoming quite real now. I'll do a final cleaning tomorrow and then we'll move Tariku's bed up by ours so we're right there for him in case he has nightmares. I'm doing laundry for the final time. I'll go get groceries that will surely cost a small fortune tonight so I won't have to do it for at least a week after we get home.

When you start a journey like this you can never really imagine what it will feel like in the next part of the process. You daydream about the referral call, and the court date call and the travel call. You have it built up in your mind a certain way. All of the realities have been different than my daydreams on each one of these. So has the waiting to travel period. I cannot believe how quickly these 2 weeks have gone by. I cannot believe on Wednesday we'll leave this house and when we come back so much will have changed.

This is just awesome. I am honestly loving every minute of this. To think we'll be bringing this boy I've been praying about home, is just beyond words. The excitement is growing in this house. This morning Trysten pledged to share even his underwear with his little brother. Dailah has mastered the art of saying Tariku, though it sounds more like "TQ" which is kinda cute. I've only had moments of "madwoman" status, like last night when I "encouraged" Zach to pack even though none of his undies, socks, shirts or pants were clean. He "obliged" and laid aside a pair of shoes and a hat. How sweet!

So today is all about relaxing with the kids in the morning, getting my hair did this afternoon (that doubles as a chance to see a friend before we leave, that's my excuse, I'm sticking to it) stopping by another friends' house to say "see you later" and then hitting up Wal Mart where I'll make even Sam Walton himself shudder with how big the bill will surely be. That will hopefully give me at least another hour of QT with the kids before they hit the pillow and I soon follow.

How Are You Feeling?

That's what someone asked me today. And since I like talking about my feelings so much...

I think I've literally felt everything these last 24 hours. Physically, I'm still not over my sinus crap and it seems to have gotten worse again today? Emotionally I'm crying again. I thought we were done here, but apparently not. I made the mistake of opening the mail and seeing a very nice card and money from one of my parents' good friends. They have been such great people and I was just so humbled by it.

Then it was this, and that. And it all leads to me crying. I think the main emotion I've been feeling today is sadness. It was the first time really that it's hit me that I'll be leaving Trysten and Dailah for so long. And in case that video didn't show you I've got some really sweet kids on my hands (I mean, how cute is Trysten, seriously? That was all him too by the way). Wednesday-Friday is a long time. Zach took Tman to daddy/tman night tonight. Dailah and I got some quality time as well. Dailah cried whenever she thought of Zach and Trysten being gone. It could be a long week for her.

But overall, I'm feeling fairly calm still. 4 days. 4 days sounds remarkably shorter than 5 days (I realize it's shorter, but it just sounds A LOT shorter). So I commenced to packing some of Trysten and Dailah's things. Once Dailah goes down I'll start trying on long skirts of mine that I haven't worn since I quit work in August. Should be interesting. Then I'll throw a few things of mine in as well.

I'm at the point today where I want to hold on to every moment like these because it's our last time as a family of 4. I just keep thinking to myself, "Remember this, Tesi, remember this."

So that's why I blogged, so that I'd remember (or at least try to) what I was thinking and feeling one of the last times we were a family of 4.

When Dad and Trysten get Bored

BIG Update!

We got a HUGE update on Tariku. Here are some of my favorite pics of my son I'll get to see in less than one week!

Also

I just had to do the whole, "Don't 'mom' me" thing. Wow. I think that was one of those things I swore I'd never say to my kids. I also used to tell myself I would never make them do any chores, but I can hear Trysten making his bed as we speak (hear, because I encourage my kids to sing and dance as they clean up).

Also, they are presently chasing each other around in their respective undies. I'm tired just looking at them. Next thing you know I'll have the "mom" cut and jeans and people will know I'm a mom when I walk by them in the street.

Support

I mean really. I was talking to my dear friend, Rene, about all the support through this adoption. It's overwhelming when I sit and think about it. In the last week alone people have been sending money, donations, prayers, emails and much, much more. It is very humbling to think so many people are thinking of us when there is so much other stuff going on in their lives. We thank you so very much for this. There are absolutely no words.

So God is still showing off through this thing. He has recently hooked me up (through various routes) with this woman who was originally from the QC. Her daughter and brother-in-law are presently in Addis Ababa at the AHOPE center volunteering. We're going to take a package to them from their mom. How interesting, we'll go all the way across the world to meet people from our area!

I also just "randomly" got an email from someone who is linked to the Campus Crusade for Christ in Addis. I am hopeful we'll get to go meet the missionaries while we're there and check out the organization.

So this has been great. 5 days. I mean, really. In less than one week (Addis is 8 hours ahead of CST, so it's less than a week) from now I'll have Tariku in my arms. Can you even believe it? I got up at 5am today thinking of nothing else. It seems so close and yet....you know the rest. Ahh, it's driving me crazy. I'm so excited.

On another note, my dearest Aristotle (our 110 lb chocolate lab) got injured somehow yesterday. Poor guy is limping like crazy. I had to baby him a bit yesterday. Took him to the vet and they put him on some sort of miracle pill that knocks him out. It's cute but dangerous. He has no idea how heavy he is so he just lays down on the closest person to him. Poor thing.

Anyway, 5 days. That's the moral to this story.

6 Days

I got so much paperwork done yesterday it's not even funny. We really just need our dearest notarizer, Nathan, to notarize the two documents and we are done. Finished. Smooth sailing from here on our, right?

It's crazy weird how I vacillitate between numb with excitement and numb with fear. I was like this with the other two as well. With T, he was my first, so there's always those feelings of losing the life you've come to know, etc, etc. With your second, you're always wondering how in the world you could love this one as much as the first or if you had enough love for the two of them. With the third, it's a combination of those two and realizing we're outnumbered. No longer can it be a "you take one, I'll take the other" conversation. It's a little intimidating to think about.

Though as my last two experiences have taught me, no matter how hesitant I am to believe this child will be loved as much as it deserves and as much as I can possibly have, I know it will be true. I know I'll continue to love them all equally regardless. I know Zach and I will get used to working in a zone defense and continue to give each one some one-on-one time.

All that said, it still just about gave me a coronary when I was RSVPing to a wedding in May and wrote "5" as the number we would be bringing. Isn't "5" only reserved for my parents and their kids? Oh how quickly I've become my mother. :)

Did You Know?

That we're going to be leaving for Ethiopia in less than a week (it's past 11am, so now it's less than a week)? That's AMAZING. I'm super excited and *starting* to get a little crazed. I'm going through all the paperwork we need (more paperwork, you ask? Yes, there's always more in adoption). I'm getting uuber nervous that we'll forget something and be screwed. But what can you do? I must trust the 8 lists I have (honestly) to get all things under control.

So how can you help? Well, any number of ways. One of them is donate stuff! We are going to have at least 1, but probably 2, bags that will be able to contain donations for both our care center (the one Tariku is in) and AHOPE (houses children infected with HIV). We have 1/2 a bag filled with stuff we've bought thus far. I'm adding a list of some of the stuff our care center has mentioned they need. Let me know if you have any questions or need a way to get it to us.

--Digital Scale
--Measurement Meter
--Length Board
--Disposable gloves
--Cotton applicator
--NG tube No 5., No. 6, No.8
--Vitamin D injection
--Soy formula
--Ibuprofren syrup
--Ibuprofen drop
--Iron drops
--Pampers
--Wipes
--Masks
--Antibiotic cream
--Clotrimazol Cream
--Foban cream
--anti-pain tablet
--anti-acid tablet

Thanks in advance. :)

Things To Come?

Today Jody and 2 of her boys came over for some lunch. The boys went crazy in this warm weather, running outside in a matter of seconds. We have horses out here at camp, that are about 1/2 a mile from our house, all on our property, far away from roads and whatnot. I've never told Trysten specifically NOT to go there, because it's so dang far I never thought it a possibility. But apparently it is. The Three Blondes decided it sounded like a good idea.

I've been picking up (nesting) and finding toys in the most random places (in my bed, anyone?) Can't help but laugh every time I do it.

I think I've had it fairly easy with one little boy. I can have an eye on him all the time, he doesn't get away with much (especially with a sister so good at tattling). In just a few short weeks, I'll be outnumbered BIG TIME. It only scares me a little, it excites me so very much.

It's Called "Nesting" Folks...

and that's exactly what is going on right now with me! If Zach so much as misplaces his finger I might just throw it out. Everything has it's place, right? I don't remember nesting when I was pregnant, probably because I was too big to move. I primarily sat on the edge of my bed and made the noises that we beached whales make. So this is all new for me. I kinda dig it, I'm not going to lie. This place has never looked better (and it has NOTHING to do with the fact that we just moved in to most of it a few days ago). Now if only I could get myself to nest about myself...i.e. new hair color, new cut, you know those kinds of things.

So today I was depositing money in the bank (thanks to my cousins Kelsie and Neil and mom and dad for giving us some money toward the trip, we love you!) I was making small talk with the banker who I know a bit because he was our notary for our dossier documents. I also try to make it a habit to get to know the people who know how much money we have in our bank account (not much FYI) so that they start to feel bad if they laugh at us once the car pulls away. Anywho, he asks how our Easter was. I say it was great, how was yours? Trysten from the peanut gallery says,

"Mom, tell him that Jesus rose from the dead."
"He knows, Trysten."
"How does he know, mommy?"
"Because I've talked to him about it before." (That's a lie)
"You have?"
"Yes" (No)
"Ok, well what if he forgot?"
"He didn't."
"How do you know, mom?"
"Because you haven't forgotten, so he hasn't either."
"That makes sense mom, it's hard to forget that a guy rose from the dead, it's kind of gross."
"Yeah kind of gross in a beautiful way honey, quiet time now."

Cue the "Bringing Sexy Back."

Whew, I know I always wanted children to challenge me in all kinds of ways but seriously. I know all the other Christians are hating on me because I didn't take this moment to evangelize but I'm hoping he can see I'm a Jesus lover by my bank account. I'm trying to get as close to the poor as I can here. :)

P.S. 9 MORE DAYS!!!!!

Happy Easter

So you can see the perfunctory Easter pictures of the kids here. I'm not going to lie to you, I have some cute kids on my hands. It was a lot of fun dressing them both up. I even had a little suit for Tariku but it remained empty, hanging on his side of the closet. Well there's always next year! So enjoy those pictures. A few of these were compliments of Trysten himself, he's shaping up to be quite the photographer! Happy Easter!

God's Just Showing Off

That's what Zach said about this adoption process yesterday. For so long we felt like God wasn't answering our prayers. Or rather, that He wasn't answering them how WE wanted Him to. :) Our court date was late, our travel date was late, etc, etc.

Yesterday Zach was sitting at a coffee shop and saw a group of people who he thought might be Ethiopian. They were speaking a language that sounded like Amharic (my amazing husband has been learning as much as he can) so he asked one of them where they were from. They said Eritrea (country boarding Ethiopia) and Ethiopia. Zach went on to talk to him and his family. The woman with him was apparently getting her citizenship that day and they were celebrating. Zach gave them our number and address, they were open to a relationship where we could learn more about the country and culture.

Mrs. Baker and I have been talking to one another about this adoption for awhile. Her family is picking up their little guy this week in Ethiopia. She has been such a comfort to me and her family has been such a Godsend, there are absolutely no words to describe it. I feel like God has given me our relationship as a reward for my "patience" (as most of you know, that word has to be in quotes as I've not necessarily been the picture of patience, but whatever, I'm here aren't I?)

It's so amazing to me how sometimes I feel like Tariku has been a part of our lives for so long and then other times I look at his picture and think, "I can't believe that little guy will be part of our family in such a short time." Right now I can only imagine what it will be like when he's home. Yet I do embrace what life is like without him here.

Tonight a few of our friends came over for dinner. I was able to put Dailah down with no problem, and then Trysten. We were able to enjoy dinner and a few drinks as adults, without the kids around. It was great. I got a few "Your kids are so well behaved" comments and sat back in my state of blissful momhood.

It's crazy to want to throw another in the mix isn't it? To want to take this momhood mold I've made and take a rolling pin to it, pound it out with my fist so it's nice and flat and then squish it up between my fingers to change the shape altogether. That's crazy, right? Call me crazy but I want to throw in a few different ingredients to see what kind of goodness I can come up with. That's what's going to happen in just 11 days. In less than 2 weeks, I'll get to feel that little boy in my arms. Oh how they ache with anticipation right now.

Almost

I'm feeling ever so slightly better. After a few rounds of antibiotics, I think I'll make it. This actually came at a good time seeings it made me just sit down and not do anything for awhile. It was perfect, really. Now once I feel back to myself again it'll be time to pack and head to Ethiopia. Good timing, God. Nice work.

Good Friday. Well this day stirs up a whole lot of emotions in this gal. I am ever so thankful to be blessed as I am. Once I'm not on medicine that clouds my thinking I'll be happy to share my thoughts with you all.

Until then, 12 more days. Yipeee!!

I Got the Sinusitis

Last night the sinusitis (heinous sinus infection) hit me like a Mack Truck. Not impressed, I am not impressed. After a day full of watching cartoons (for the kids) and Zach being the best husband ever, I am hoping tomorrow will be a better day. No promises though.

Steak and Shake burger is on the way from the aforementioned best husband ever. I've heard those can do major damage on sinus bugs hell bent on making you wish for a sweet, sweet death. I'll keep you posted on that.

Less Than 2 Weeks

Yep, it's officially past 11am so I can say we have less than 2 weeks until we are on a plane. That is so exciting. I've "met" a few other families who will be traveling with us and I hazard a guess that we'll get along swimmingly.

It was a beautiful day today. I have pictures of the kiddos outside. It felt so good to get out there and not worry about coats, hats and mittens. I hope it's just the beginning of a loooong, warm, spring ahead!

I got to go to another girls night tonight. It was so much fun. I can't tell you how good it feels to do that once in awhile. How nice it is to have a night with smart, hysterical, beautiful women where the conversation is easy and effortless. I think I could become addicted to that!

I booked our tickets today. Spent multiple thousands of dollars on that. For some reason Zach always refers to things that might hurt him, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally; "That made my balls hurt". Now I can't say I know exactly what he means, I realize it doubtfully means literally but perhaps once in awhile it does. Anywho, when I told him how much it was, that was his exclamation. I think this was the first time I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Cuz I'm Leavin On A Jet Plane"!!!!!

Can't hardly believe it myself. April 2nd we will be boarding a flight right here in good ole' Moline, Illinois to go pick up our 3rd child. A little boy, 3 years old, cute as a button with a personality (I'm sure) to match. Very awesome.

Seems surreal at this point, to be quite honest. We've been waiting for this day for 19 weeks. In some respects it's gone by so completely fast, but in others it's been soo, so, so so so long. Thanks for sharing all of that with us!

2 weeks. 2 weeks, can you believe it? Zach popped open his 15-year-old Glenlivet in celebration (thanks Frank and Emily) and I uncorked (ok, who am I kidding, it was already uncorked) a 1-year-old Barefoot Merlot. Sheer class.

On that really, really, good note. We are busy bringing the rest of our furniture upstairs. Did I mention the carpet is down? Sweet arse is all it is.

What Would I Do?

without Dailah? I was putting Trysten in time-out for a slight indiscretion and Dailah went right up to him, shook her finger at him, "No, TT, ba (bad) TT". She left that boy in the corner with her hands on her hips and her bottom lipped turned out.

I think he appreciates her very much. Especially since I always know if he has something to do with her distress. The amount at which she is pointing at him and saying, "TT" while wailing shows me just how bad he's been. Poor kid can't get away with anything.

Songs Of My Life?

Does anyone else often hear music throughout their day? I swear I have theme music for my life all day every day. It changes with my moods, etc. If I see someone I think to be a bad influence, they get the typical "bad guy score" and so on. Today was a good day for theme music. Since we saw our names as Tariku's parents its been one good song after another. I'm very thankful for that. I'm thinking tomorrow I'll be singing that little diddy, "Leaving on a jet plane" circa Ben Afleck in that one movie with Liv Tyler.

On that note, I'm watching Dancing with the Stars and Bruno just made a "She banged" reference. That's just weird.

Father's Name: Zachary Klipsch, Mother's Name: Tesi Klipsch

I can't say it enough...those are some of the best words in the English language. I know, because I see them. I see them ON TARIKU'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!! Which I received in email form this morning. It was a surprise, as we were just hoping for news on a letter we needed to submit for the BC. Yet God is good, and here it is! It says it, it says we're his parents. It justifies all the love we've been feeling for 19 weeks. It's the most exciting piece of paper (save for perhaps my marriage certifiate) I've ever seen. Best of all, it has the tiniest little picture of that sweet face. Oh I'm in love!

So we will know for sure tomorrow morning when we travel. We are obviously hoping the 27th and that's when our coordinator will ask for so don't stop crossing those fingers yet!

Man, this feels good. I didn't realize how much I was holding back (holding back, you ask, this was holding back?) Until that came in the mail and I knew we weren't waiting on anything else. Now I can start lists. Lists make it real.

In other good news, Dailah has switched comfort songs. I hestitate to inform you that the ONLY song that could make her stop throwing a fit in the car used to be, "Bringing Sexy Back." Yes, I realize what that says about me, but you must admit it's a catchy tune. Anyway, I don't even know the name of the song she's switched to but it's slightly better than JT. :)

Monday Fun Day?

Today my goal is to be uuber productive in hopes that I won't keep remembering that the time keeps ticking to travel on the 27th. Our agency said they should know more info today. This is great, except it's not. Odds are I'll have the phone duct taped to my ear and check my email every 2 minutes and they won't call. I'll end up calling/writing and then MAYBE hear something. Let's hope today is different. :)

Went to two good restaurants with 2 great sets of people over the weekend. It was nice to take my mind off things! So today I'll try that again. Go to the Y, to Terre's (don't want to drive all the way back in to camp just to go to grocery store after naps), grocery store, move more stuff upstairs, cook dinner. Watch THE BACHELOR YIPPEEEE, and then go to bed. Let's hope this is a success.

Happy Birthday, Tariku!

I'm thinking of our little guy more than ever today. I had so hoped I'd be in Ethiopia for his birthday. Even though it's not as celebrated an event over there, it would have been the first significant "holiday" we had spent together. What better "holiday" than one that focuses solely on the blessing of his birth.

I know it was more like a random day they gave him as birthday but it is still so significant to us. He is 3 today. 3ish years ago his amaye and abaye were looking at this little swaddled baby and imagining his future with them. They had made plans and given him a name. Tariku Asamu Abyiu. Today is like a "rebirth" (for me, by the way) in the sense that on this birthday I am thinking of all those things for him. I am thinking of his future (as well as his past) and how lucky I am to be a part.

We'll have a little celebration in Tariku's honor when he's home. But I want to send my birthday hugs to Addis today. When I prayed this morning I asked God to send them on Angels wings to the little boy I miss so intensely.

Yesterday

So yesterday we got a conference call with a few people from our agency. It was a good conversation because, unlike the past, we actually got concrete information about what is going on with our paperwork. It goes a little something like this. Basically something was wrong with our court order. We don't know what, exactly, but something got lost in translation. In order to have that fixed, we must have a letter of support from the MOWA saying that this is a legitimate adoption, etc. MOWA is understaffed and overbooked, hence our paperwork being in limbo there. Right now we have our agency's word that they are going to send their representative to MOWA's office and find out 1) what was wrong with the court order in the first place and 2) what kind of timeline we can expect for the letter of support. In the meantime, they are going to do all the things they have control over so that once we get the letter we're good to go. As of right now, they are still hopeful that we will travel on March 27th. In order for that to happen we do have to get that letter before next Friday.

So this was such a relief to me. I've felt so unsettled because I didn't feel like I was getting straight answers as to WHAT exactly was going on. The main reason for that is because all communication had been through email which is never as good at phone call with regards to learning and comprehending such intricate information. Plus, I felt like a lot of my questions were being skipped over in email. Needless to say, we *hope* we'll travel in a week and a half but are not optimistic as I remember very clearly them giving us a possible travel date of every Thursday so far in March. :)

Also yesterday the carpet was laid in our master BR, BA and hallway. As well as the guest BR and BA. We have just the great room, toy room and stairs to be laid and WE ARE DONE! We still have to paint the toy room and 2 walls in the kitchen but that's besides the point. Either way we should be completely finished by Wednesday. Yippeee! It felt sooooo nice sleeping in our own room last night with the kids tucked in downstairs. I can't even explain it to you.

Already managed to work in a St. Patty's day parade today. Tonight we are going to an opening of a restaurant in Downtown Davenport that should be a lot of fun. I'll keep you posted on the food!

Well...

Another sleepless night and somehow, I'm a bit more comforted. Had time to calm down after another 4 hours of painting. Got to watch Conan O'Brien for the first time in 5ish years, which is just always a pleasure.

So when I wasn't sleeping I was thinking about what it means to be both a Jesus-loving life form and a human. All day yesterday I was just mad. Just mad. I was mad at the people in our way, I was mad at God. At just everything. Today I'm a bit better, still have a bit of animosity towards certain things but we're getting there.

I was reminded by none other than Andy Landers himself (in a song, that is) about what a life in Christ can look like. Sometimes I forgot God has told us it wouldn't be easy. I think He says something like, and I'm paraphrasing here; "if you live for me you might die for me. This life might suck sometimes and it might suck most of the time but it will be worth it. If you wanted an easy, happy-all-the-time life you should be a Scientologist" (no offense to Scientologists but you people do seem freakishly happy all the time).

So I'm okay. At the end of this, whenever that may be, the result is the same. We get Tariku. What a blessing that is. I can understand why God might continue to test our resolve on this and I am happy to report, though I'm certainly not perfect, my resolve has never been stronger.

Jody always says, no one adopts by accident. You don't wake up one morning and found you've adopted on a drunken night 2 weeks ago. You don't decide just once in a 9-month period to adopt. You decide every day. You decide every time you write a check (which is often), you decide every time you sign a piece of paper (which is often) and you decide EVERY TIME someone asks you why you're adopting (which is also often). So I've decided, through all of that and more, that I love adopting. That I would continue to encourage and support anyone and everyone who expressed a desire in it. Because through it all, even though I don't have Tariku yet, he is so. worth. it.

Here's a sample of one of my favorites off Andy's new CD (buy it here).

I stand here before you with all that I am
I'm reminded of all that You are.
Your mercy runs towards me and whispers my name
And Grace comes alive in my Heart

It defies comprehension that you would atone
So grateful that you would persist
You have retrieved me and called me your own
There's nothing more magnificent than this

Interuption

We interupt this regularly scheduled, somewhat witty, always sarcastic and typically "light" program to cry. And cry. And cry.

My "not fair" pitty party has reached new levels. I'm not convinced the people we hired to fight on behalf of our son are fighting as hard as I'd like them to. I'm thinking if I showed up in Addis tomorrow, without knowing any of their language, I'd get what I want. I'm convinced they'd see through all the external BS and get straight to the heart of the matter which is giving me my son.

I feel like God is keeping me restless about this for a reason. I hate ignoring Him. I'm kinda mad at Him today, I've told Him so. But I get this weird feeling like He's keeping me up at night so I can hear Him. Hmmm, what could it be?

I'm a Christian, yes. But my human nature keeps taking me over and telling me to get mean. To get nasty. To tell the people standing in our way to stick it and let me at the problem. I've always been one of those people. If I can do it, I will. I know I'll do it better than you anyways (no pride there). In my logical mind I cannot wrap my head around how this one problem has taken 6 weeks. It does not logistically fit when it's not taken ANYONE ELSE I know this long to get what we need. Logistically it makes no sense, emotionally, it certainly makes no sense. I don't want them to "try" I need them to "do".

"Advocate" now there's a word. It's why we chose our agency in the first place. We heard they were good "advocates" for the children in Ethiopia. They do great humanitarian work in country, which was important to us. I'm not feeling the advocating love for Tariku through this and it's flippin pissing me right off. It HAS to be about him. Sure, the care center is great, and people constantly remind me he's been well taken care of there. But I would hazard to guess it is not the love he needs. I would hazard to guess they don't love him like I will and they don't wake up every morning thinking about him and praying for him. I would hazard a guess that they haven't put some aspects of their lives on hold for him. I dare say he's not being taken care of AS GOOD AS HE COULD BE. And that, that's most important.

I must go teach PUMP. Tonight, I shall go up in weight in every song in hopes that I can make my physical pain match my emotional. It just feels off right now.

Did You Know?

Did you know in Ethiopia:

One in ten children die before their first birthday
One in six children die before their fifth birthday
44% of the population of Ethiopia is under 15 years old
60% of children in Ethiopia are stunted because of malnutrition
The median age in Ethiopia is 18 years
1.5 million people are infected with AIDS (6th highest in the world)
720,000 children have been orphaned by AIDS alone
Per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any country in Africa
In the 90s the population (3%) grew faster than food production (2.2%)
Drought struck the country from 2000-2002 (first year no crops, second year no seeds, third year no animals)
Half the children in Ethiopia will never attend school. 88% will never attend secondary school.
Coffee prices (Ethiopia’s only major export) fell 40-60% from 1998-2002.
Ethiopia’s doctor to children ratio is 1 to 24,000.
In 1993, after 30 long years of war, Eritrea broke from Ethiopia and became an independent nation leaving Ethiopia landlocked without any major seafaring ports.
Ethiopia has approx. 4.3 million orphans and the country is twice the size of Texas.

So I posted this because not a lot of people know these numbers of Ethiopia. I don't want it to sound all doom and gloom, there is also much hope in Ethiopia. As always, I'll put my money on hope and one day Ethiopia will no longer be a country of statistics.

From email correspondence, it sounds like March 27th will be too soon for us as well. So no longer March. Tariku's birthday is on Sunday. I won't see him for it, I won't see him for the week after. I MIGHT see him the month after but that might be pushing it.

I can't wait for the day when I can come back and talk about things of Ethiopia that I haven't read or seen in books.

Ugh

I can't sleep. I can't get over this one. I'm an optimist and this latest setback is shaking me to my very core.

I'm not a fighter by nature. But I am definitely thinking of borrowing one of camp's guns tomorrow and shooting something. It'll be small, like a squirrel (sorry anyone who's offended by this but I dare you to confront me about it at this point). I think I'll nickname it something and then I'll feel better.

Yep, that's it, I'm going to shoot something.

"Not Hopeful"

Those were the words Jan said to us about traveling next week. "I am not hopeful about next week". It is increasingly difficult to maintain hope at all in this process. She said 3 other families of hers are in this same boat and of course I ask why? Even though I read, and reread the poem Cassie sent me, I ask why? I'm wondering if God is hearing me and wondering if He really knows what's best for me. Clearly, I know what's best for me, right? (sarcasm there) But here I sit. Giving the kids a bath, staring at ridiculously expensive shampoo I bought for our little guy clear across the world. It's ready to suds up and I'm ready to run it over his hair. We're all ready.

I have just had so many ill-fated "intuitions" that the 20th was our week to travel. I don't know how they were so misleading as I'm usually pretty good at that kind of stuff. I guess I've never wanted something so badly for so long. I've wanted to adopt for a long time. I've wanted Tariku specifically for over 4 months. He's been ours. Legally deemed a Klipsch, for 5 weeks. I know these numbers don't mean a lot to you but they do to me. They mean A LOT to me. They mean, by all intents and purposes, that if I were anyone else but me, Tariku would be here, in this bath. He would be here being the other Ninja Turtle for Trysten and helping Dailah bang on the water drums.

This is the problem, I see him doing our every day things and yet, he is not doing those things. He's doubtfully doing any of them at the care center. I'm done talking about this. I wish I was done thinking about it, but that's not going to happen.

On a lighter note...I got A LOT of painting done today. Jody babysat the kids for the morning which was SO HELPFUL and I and another friend of mine got a lot of painting done. Just one and 3/4 rooms left and we're done painting. For life. Forever. The carpet layers (I kept calling them "carpenters" until Zach finally asked, "Tesi, seriously, do you think Jesus layed carpet?) are coming on Friday to get as much as they can done and then probably finish on Monday. I'm hoping to entice them with pizza and chocolate to work their non-Jesusesque butts off to get it done Friday. :)

Off to find chocolate of any kind and liquor of any kind. Peace out.

Wait

Cassie sent me this. I hate her for this because it's true. Doesn't mean I like it any better. :)

(P.S. Did you notice I was able to highlight her name? Thanks, Tarah!)

Wait

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.



My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.



Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.



I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.



You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.



You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if you missed what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT"

Booo Hiss Painting

6 hours of painting. 2 rooms done, one coat on another done. That means one more coat in that room, a closet and then our big room, then we're done. Painting. Forever. I hate it.

I found out today that I push EXTREMELY hard when I'm rolling paint. Kind of hilarious. But now everything hurts. My teeth hurt. Almost there. Almost there.

No news on the adoption. Perhaps I should find out what the Amharic word for "No news on the adoption" is and nickname Tariku that.

Tagged

I've been tagged by "Herdegens" (one of these days I'll learn to make that able to just go to it). By the way, can you tell Zach left the computer at home when he had to travel for work? Yippee!!!

P.S. We won't hear anything on the adoption today. Jan said she tried to call the peeps and wasn't able to get ahold of anyone. Here's to tomorrow!

HERE'S HOW YOU PLAY. ONCE YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED YOU HAVE TO WRITE A BLOG OF TEN WEIRD, RANDOM THINGS, FACTS OR HABITS ABOUT YOURSELF. AT THE END, YOU CHOOSE FIVE PEOPLE TO BE TAGGED, LISTING THEIR NAMES AND WHY YOU CHOSE THEM TO BE TAGGED. DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE THEM A COMMENT "YOU'RE IT" AND TO READ YOUR BLOG. YOU CAN'T TAG THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU. SINCE YOU CAN'T TAG THAT PERSON BACK, LET HIM OR HER KNOW WHEN YOU'VE POSTED YOUR BLOG SO HE OR SHE CAN READ YOUR ANSWERS.

1) I love sweatpants but pretend I love heels. Don't tell my husband this. I love fashion, love high heels, love all that...on other people. I prefer sweatpants and spent most of my high school in them. But most of my closet is filled with cute clothes.

2) I am prejudice....against smokers. Today on the treadmill a smoker hopped on the one next to me. I smelled his nasty smokey breath the whole time and I could think of nothing else but leaning over and punching him in the stinky mouth (sorry smokers!)

3) I sleep with 2 stuffed animals. I always put them under my arms when I sleep on my belly. I've done it since my boobs started growing and they hurt (the animals made my boobs kind of come off the bed) and haven't been able to sleep well without them since.

4) I am constantly looking at my personal training client's food logs and telling them to make wiser choices on their snacks, etc. While I'm telling them this stuff, I'm thinking of the Snickers bar I'll be consuming once I get home. I have absolutely horrendous eating habits.

5) Since Tarah talked about her ahem, gas problems, ahem. I thought I'd join. I actually don't fart. I'm serious. Zach thought I was just one of "those girls" that pretended they didn't when we first got together. After 6 years he'll back me up on this. I don't know why I don't. It comes out in burp form if I have any extra gas. I think my husband makes enough for the both of us, though.

6) 5 minutes of dancing. It's important to me. Every day, the kids and I get 5 continuous minutes of dancing. Some days I go for silly dancing, other days I whip out moves I remember from my days in dance class. It just depends on what I'm feeling. Today is definitely going to be a "Pop the collar" kind of day, I think. By the way, I've often thought I should post a small part of our 5 minutes on my blog. I'm sure it would be entertaining and it might even get us on Ellen!

7) I have a mole by my mouth, Cindy Crawford style. Unfortunately it's REALLY light and you can't really see it most of the time. When I was younger I used to put brown eye pencil on it to make it look more like a birth mark. Gross.

8) I once won a competition for who could postpone shaving their legs the longest. In high school I went most of the basketball season without shaving (and yes, I played basketball; and yes, I wore shorts; and yes, I had a boyfriend who loved me despite it. :)) That's 3 months, folks.

9) I get REALLY bad motion sickness. When I was younger I used to get strep throat every time we would travel. If you ask my parents, I screamed any time we were in the car (I think they MUST be exaggerating!) Imagine my nerves about traveling 20+ hours and bringing home a 3-year-old!

10) I am flippin obsessed with blogs. Blogging, reading blogs, subscribing to blogs, tattooing blogs (not yet) whatever it is. Love blogging!

I tag: Cassie..because she needs to blog, Julie and Tony...because I'm interested, Jody III...because she has too much time on her hands...teehee, Baby Blaker...because I want to learn more about my hopeful travel mate, Sweet Peas..cuz she's so interesting!

YAY Sister! (And other notable reads)

So my sister, yes the one that writes "Farm Raised" blog, was in the Chicago Tribune yesterday! SOO exciting but not at all surprising. Read her fantastic piece here,
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/chi-organic_food_thinkmar09,0,2889815.story

Another great read about Ethiopian adoptions. It talks about the great work our agency is doing and mentions Tariku (well, a different Tariku, but a Tariku nonetheless!:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/06/04/us/04adopt.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

The carpet layers are coming Thursday. This means just a few more days of sleeping in about 300 sq. ft! Yippee do da!

You Guessed It

Another Monday, another 6 days of waiting to hear anything. 5 of those days will be intense as those are our last 5 days for a potential 20th travel. When talking to people at church yesterday they were baffled that I might be traveling around the world, to pick up our *almost* 3-year-old in 1 1/2 weeks and we don't know for sure yet. I laughed because this is our adoption. I warned everyone it would be a bumpy ride and that it definitely is.

Right now I'm somewhat calm. Perhaps this is what they refer to as the "calm before the storm". Because when I really think about it, this is how my mind works.

Today I need to call the carpenters and beg them to carpet the three rooms we have painted right now so that we can move into them as soon as they're done. This way, we can move our BR/BA upstairs and move Dailah back in her room. We can set up our closet to re-set up the kids' closet so it is their own for the first time since we moved here.

After the painters get done trimming out and painting the doors in the other 5 rooms, I will start painting immediately on those. They say they will be done by perhaps Wednesday but definitely by this Friday (Friday appears to be a significant day). So that would leave me this weekend to paint the 5 rooms. I would then beg the carpenters to come carpet next Monday. That would leave me Monday night/Tuesday to move in the rest of our stuff. Perhaps clean a little, etc.

And then of course, potentially next Wednesday be leaving for Ethiopia.

And did I mention packing bags, collecting donations and eating somewhere in there?

Hear Much?

Trysten just said, "Mom you are the best cooker I've ever seen." (ahhhh)

Too bad I thought he said I was the best HOOKER he'd ever seen.

I really need to get my hearing checked.

3 Down, 4 More To Go

We have three rooms down and they look amazing! 4 more to go. It's going to suck.

One thing I learned today. My family is the best family in the world ( I already knew that but it was reiterated). I'm not kidding. They came at 8 am (a 2 hr drive) and just left. They were even at my house painting by themselves for a couple hours while I worked and Zach took the kids to an exhibity thing. AMAZING that's what they are. Blessed, that's what I am.

Gotta go, my bones hurt.

By the way, word is if we hear by this Friday that our stuff is ready in ET we can still go on the 20th. So now you have a new deadline with the whole Big Man Upstairs. Please let us get through everything before Friday!

Seriously..Wal Mart

So today my good friend, Cassie, emailed me and told me I've slacked off in blogging. It had been a few hours, after all, and we have a commonality in our despise of anyone who calls themselves a blogger and doesn't update regularly. Anywho, I was busy. I was busy trying to stay busy so I could try to not notice that my phone wasn't ringing. I was busy.

One of the things I did was go to Wal Mart. I mean, really. Love the low prices, hate the crazy antics. I can't go there once without a parent abusing their child or demeaning their child. And see, they're in a bad place because I'm at a point now where I might just offer to take that child off their hands if they don't want to parent them anymore. So I need to stop going to Wal Mart. The first time I went tonight (yes, I went twice) my kids decided to be holy terrors so I had to cut lose with only 1/4 of what I wanted. I'm serious, I think Dailah is like some sort of personality chameleon. If we're around any kids who feel like screaming and carrying on, she thinks it looks like fun and goes for it. So that's just what she did today. So I was outtie in a matter of minutes after we got our paint.

The second time I went alone. Zach was with the kids and I was able to get some quality time with the quality folks at Wal Mart. But I got to find some of those hidden ingredients Paula Dean puts in her recipes that I usually can't get with the kids with me (except Pimento beans, has anyone heard of these and if so where in the world would I find such a thing?) I picked a line with a lot of people in it and got caught up on my People magazine (did you know Kelly Rowland of Destiny's Child fame got fake boobs?) and National Enquirer (Baby Shiloh isn't Brad's, it's her brothers!) Good stuff.

So that's what I was doing today. It certainly wasn't, in case you didn't catch this, hearing that we will travel for sure on the 20th. It wasn't that. But there you have it, I was busy trying to stay busy. Are you happy now, Cassie?

Stay tuned for my 'morrow where it will be 12+ hours of PAINTING!!!!! Thanks mom, dad, and brother bear for helping!

UPDATE ON TARIKU!!!!

Got up this morning after waking up in the middle of the night for some reason. I had this weird feeling like we would hear something about Tariku. Lately when I wake up in the middle of the night (which is not normal by any means but more frequent the closer we bring him home) I think of him and pray for him and for us and for me that we see each other as soon as He knows we're ready. I also pray for my sanity, but that's besides the point. Anyway, I woke up this morning to find an update in my email that was sent right about the time I woke up (2am our time). Fascinating stuff. It basically says he's been the same in all categories since coming into the care center except he seems to have learned more Amharic as they are able to identify that he can point to all his body parts. But the kicker of the whole thing is his picture. He really is a Klipsch child, as he gets cuter every time I see him.

There are no words for how happy this made me. No words. Isn't he the cutest little booger you've seen? By the way, the kids have been waking up at the butt crack of dawn because they were just not meant to share rooms together. Anyway, when I opened up my email this morning Trysten was right next to me. I saw it said, "Tariku A update" and yelled, "Trysten we got an update!" He said, "We get to go get Tariku!" And before I could tell him not yet, he went to get his guitar and sang a song about it. Seriously, that kid is too much.

This Too Shall Pass

I remember my mom saying this a lot when I was younger. I can't quite remember if she meant that in my life or in hers, teehee.

Anyway, it's so weird lately. I go from high to low, to just in between. I email my coordinator and am fine, I email her 5 minutes later and am not so fine. This, my friends, is adoption. This, my friends, is motherhood.

I got on the forum tonight after PUMP and Mrs. Baker had written a thread asking the forum to start a dance for us that we get THE call tomorrow. (it's a web-based thing, the forum does referral dances to bring on the referrals, etc). It just made me cry, it was so sweet. Sweet Peas has her blog followers praying for us too.

People are thinking about Tariku. People are praying for Tariku and that is just the biggest blessing I could ask for. My sadness, that too shall pass and what I'll remember from this adoption is the blessings. The biggest, obviously Tariku. But the people, the support, the love, I will remember those and have a feeling my selective memory will block out this sadness.

Well...

So I did finally hear from our coordinator (only 1 maybe 2 phone calls, emails from me later). We are still waiting on that paperwork for the birth certificate. No telling how long that will take, is kind of what she said. BUT...

She did tell us they are reserving us a spot in the March 20th group and to go ahead and reserve tickets for that date. She didn't go so far as to tell us to buy those tickets and/or that we are in fact going to travel that date regardless. You see, she always stops short of promises no matter how hard I try to back her in the corner!

So we sit...kind of in the same corner as we have been, kind of in a different corner ever so slightly closer to Tariku. I'm going to try to convince myself into believing that we're traveling the 20th. I think all the positive thinking will have a tremendous effect. I know it will. Join me will you?

So WHEN we go the 20th, we will actually depart on the 19th. As of right now we'll be traveling with Northwest Airlines. We would depart from Moline, IL (a 10 minute drive) at 11:00am where we fly to Minneapolis, MN, then to Amsterdam (no, I will not let Zach out to frequent the coffee shops). From the Netherlands it's off to Sudan and finally, after 18 hours in the air we will arrive in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. On the way back we skip the Sudan issue and go straight from Addis to Amsterdam. We would arrive home at about 5:20 after our travels.

Anyway, that's just 2 weeks away. The thought of meeting my son in 2 weeks is almost more than I can take. It's just so sad to me because other couples get a call. They get a call that says, "Pack your bags, you're traveling on the 20th". And they celebrate. They open a bottle of champagne and they toast to the next two weeks. We can't do that. We'll be lucky if we get a call that sounds remotely like that and it totally bums me out.

I think Zach is getting scared that if we don't travel the 20th I might actually go insane. Like, give the girl a padded room, insane. So he's been fighting too, though his reasons for doing so might be more to save his wife from the great abyss than to see his son. (Though he's uuber excited for that as well)

So don't give up on us yet. We still need your help. In those 2 weeks we'll need to pack. Paint approximately 2200 sq. ft of space and move into approximately 2200 sq. ft of space. My list continues to grow!

We'll Be a Pretty Family!

Today Trysten was telling me that he was older than a kid because he was taller than him. I said, "Remember, God made people all different shapes, colors, sizes, sexes; so it doesn't really matter how tall, that doesn't mean he's younger than you." Trysten says, "Yeah, like we're peach, Tariku is brown and Dailah is yellow. We're going to be a pretty family!" (I know, Dailah's yellow?) Pretty cute. I love the way kids think of that kind of stuff.

It's official. We got the keys handed over to us. The contractors are done and now we have just the painter to paint the trim and the carpenters. Pretty flippin exciting. And guess who already moved in our bathrooms? I DID, I DID!!! :) I forget, have I mentioned how much I like having a shower/tub that drains yet? Stop me if I've told you all that before.

No word on the adoption front today. Since I've given up on the 13th, I've got my sights set on the 20th more than any other date thus far. My friends are going and, I've decided, we are too. I want to see that picture come to life. In all honesty, I've become somewhat calm about the whole thing. Perhaps I've officially handed it over to God? I hope He does a better job at it than I have (I have no doubts). Doesn't mean you get to slack off on your prayers/Celine Dion hits. Keep 'em coming s'il vous plait (that's "Please" in French. I shall culture-ize you yet!)

Cool Pictures

A woman on the forum posted these pictures of the area Tariku is from. Take a look, I think you can see how he turned out so beautiful..he was absolutely SURROUNDED by beauty! http://ethiopianadoptiontravelogue.wordpress.com/2007/07/20/shinshicho-and-hadero-photos/
Click on the "shin" tab when you see the picture.

A few of my close forum friends "Mrs. Blaker" and "Watching Them Grow" are going to travel March 20th. It would be so very cool to travel with them. Oh, how I long to sing, "I'm leaving on a Jet Plane".

Until then, I'll just stare at more pictures and imagine our Tariku growing up there!

Seriously

This face is kind of ridiculous. And those eyelashes? Those are the Klipschness in her. I hate that my daughter's eyelashes are longer than mine. But owell, kinda cute I suppose. See how much she loves baths? And just when you think she can't get any cuter she throws you one of those looks with the furrowed brow.

Good Work Prayer Warriors

So firstly, we have water. Not just water, but water that drains. We also have 2 more toilets in working order. 2 showers/tubs with drains. I could cry, no seriously, I could cry. Tonight we will be giving our kids a bath in our own home for the first time in months and I am as happy as I could be about that. (Note to any DHS worker who might be reading this: they have in fact gotten baths/showers but they've all been at my in-laws)

Secondly, and more importantly, your prayers worked! BUT (isn't there always a "but" in adoption?) now we're hearing that the little mistake with our birth certificate (yeah the one that was "done" a month ago) is still not fixed. So now we're waiting on that. So HUGE praises that this first task was accomplished! As a past track athlete, I can't help but see this sucker as some sort of 400m hurdle event. Every time we get past one hurdle and there looks to be nothing in our way of the finish line, another 100m comes along and there's another! Not only is there another, but since we're tired of the last hurdle, the next hurdle seems even bigger and even more difficult to get over. (Interestingly enough, I never competed in hurdles, and that was because I saw no point in putting hurdles in a race that was already hard).

So strap on your praying hats and get to praying that the Birth Certificate will come back. Complete, with no errors and a picture of that beautiful face we've come to love so much.

I Hear That Train a Comin'

Trysten LOVES his new guitar we got him for his birthday (aren't you so proud, Leslie?) His favorite song as of right now is Folsom Prison by Johnny Cash. Do you think they'll take my kids away when they hear my son playing his guitar and singing, "Well I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die?"

Another Monday, another 5 days on the edge of our seats as to whether we'll get that essential call. Have you guys been praying? If it doesn't happen, I'm blaming you. :) As punishment I might just have Trysten bring over his guitar and sing Folsom Prison until you just go crazy.

Dear Tesi

Dear Tesi,
If you don't want to cry, here is a running list to remind you what not to do:
-Don't watch Extreme Home Makeover
-Don't watch The Big Give
-Don't open emails from new friends who want to donate money towards your adoption
-Don't talk to Africans
-Don't go to worship when Andy leads
-Don't read about orphans, the AIDS epidemic, really, just stay away from Africa-related topics altogether.
-Edited to add: Don't watch brothers on The Biggest Loser (thanks, Cassie for the reminder)

This will be ongoing so don't get too comfortable in only those.

Sincerely,
Yourself

I Could Cry

It's 63 degrees outside. The windows are open. I hear the snow melting from our roof. The house is almost done, Dailah is sleeping and Trysten is preparing to go outside. This is, I think, what people are referring to when they say, "Life is beautiful."

You thought I was talking about something else in the subject line didn't you?

Ode to Stress

So..today was kind of a crazy day. It started with my getting pulled over for speeding. Interesting story, not appropriate for blogging.

But I was also looking at the calendar and realized the 13th is just 12 days away and the 20th is, obviously, 19 days away. NOT LONG at all. Not that I've been promised that we'll travel then, but I should certainly be somewhat prepared.

First thing I did was email a travel agent we had talked to earlier in the post-referral process. It looks like tickets are around $1990 A PERSON!!!!!! That's about $500 more than last time I had looked. We are hoping to take a route that would enable us to use frequent flyer miles. We actually don't have any frequent flyer miles, but this way we could rack some up big time. Until then, we are going to start saving money like it's our business as we didn't have quite that much set aside for tickets alone. Even Tariku's ticket is $1195 ONE WAY!! He's worth it right? Dad, how much longer until we get our tax money back? teehee.

Second thing I did was start loading up a suitcase with some of the stuff that can be put in a suitcase for awhile. Sunscreen will obviously not be used this Iowan winter. Neither will the special shampoo and conditioner I bought for Tariku. Okay, okay, I did, in fact pack all of Tariku's clothes that I have as well. I couldn't help it, Trysten and Dailah were helping me and they were both excited.

I'm wanting to go shopping tomorrow to get other things we need. One of those things is a map of the world with a line from Iowa to Ethiopia. If we are able to meet any of Tariku's birth family while we're there, we will give them a map and a picture for them to keep.

I've been thinking about Tariku's birth family a lot lately. Jody and I have been talking about moms. Moms who adopt special needs kids, moms who foster kids with lots of issues or just lots of kids in general. Just moms. I can't help but think of Tariku's mom all the time. I don't know the differences between us but we have such a deep, special sameness and that is a deep love for our son. It's strange, to think of him as "our" son, but that's who he is. He will always be hers as he is mine. I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I hope God gives me the wisdom to raise Tariku in a way that will make his mom proud of both of us. I hope I raise him in a way that will honor his birth family as well as his birth country.

I honestly feel like I've prepared myself the best I can to do those things. All that's left is the first step in raising him and that is getting him here. And for that, I must continue to pack, continue to do laundry. But most of all, continue to storm the gates of heaven with the prayers of my heart for little Tariku.