tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-174565522024-03-07T01:17:11.470-08:00I'm a flawed momI'm no writer, I assure you. Just a woman with a few things on her mind. A mom that makes mistakes, a wife that loves her husband more than words can say and a woman constantly seeing God in the everyday.hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.comBlogger1135125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-22212804330308272512013-03-13T13:24:00.002-07:002013-03-13T13:24:45.321-07:00I'm Moving!Such exciting news over here. I finally did it. I finally moved my blog.<br />
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It's been a long time coming, you see. I've been over the title "Hotflawedmama" for as long as it's been in existence but when I mentioned to people that I was going to be moving they'd say, "You can't do that! You are hotflawedmama!"<br />
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It is true that I am flawed, a mom and-when the light hits me right-hot (to Zach) but it was never supposed to be an actual blog name.<br />
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So I created a new one. <a href="http://www.tesiklipsch.com/">www.tesiklipsch.com</a>. You can go over there from now on. I'll be blogging the same <strike>boring</strike> stuff but I now feel fancier.<br />
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If you're inclined, I would love for you to follow me over there. Change me in your google reader and all of that jazz. I'm still figuring out wordpress so there will undoubtedly be a learning process but I'm excited! Once I figure out how to move all of my posts over there (anyone have any idea how to do that?) I'll feel like it's official.<br />
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See you <a href="http://www.tesiklipsch.com/">here</a>!hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-9412764175584914212013-03-02T15:07:00.000-08:002013-03-02T15:07:04.713-08:00It's Going to HurtHaving little A has been mostly amazing, obviously a little stress and exhaustion are mixed in there too, but mostly amazing.<br />
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Today I was changing A when I felt Tariku staring at me. I smiled at him, "What's up, babe?"<br />
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"I like watching you with A, I feel like that's how you would have been to me if you had me when I was 2."<br />
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"Oh Tariku, I think I would've been even better with you. Because you are my son and I knew it from the moment I met you. With A I don't know how long she'll be with us so I can feel myself holding back a little bit. Sometimes it's scary to fall in love with someone if you know they might leave. You ever felt like that before?"<br />
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"Yeah, I know exactly what that feels like."<br />
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One of the more remarkable things that has come with us becoming foster parents is just how it's affecting our adopted kiddos, specifically Tariku. I've been pleasantly surprised to see they are reassured of their permanency every time another child comes for a bit then leaves.<br />
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I'm so thankful for where we're at. It was a long road to get here but dammit it was worth it.<br />
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<br />hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-42273443117825235582013-02-23T14:32:00.001-08:002013-02-23T14:32:31.026-08:00TonightBaby girl A ended up arriving on Thursday. She is beyond adorable and we are quickly falling in love with her. Though I've called my brother and sister-in-law no fewer than 10 times in the last few days with questions like, "Do 18-month-olds eat with regular silverware or do they need those baby spoons?" And, "What kind of carseat will I be needing?" I am nothing if not a lifetime learner so it's been fun to regain some of this knowledge I once had but tucked away. No idea how long A will be with us but we'll be thankful for the moments-good and bad-and go from there.<br />
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Yesterday my brother graduated from Palmer School of Chiropractic. For anyone who doesn't know Marcus, he is pretty quiet guy. Thus, my whole family was surprised (only because he never said anything) that he had in fact graduated Magna Cum Laude. If you're in the Altoona, Iowa area he'll be setting up Dawson Chiropractic inside of the Altoona Family Chiropractic office on 8th St (by Fireside) soon! Of course I got all big sisterly the last couple of days because I am just so proud of the man he is, the husband and daddy and of the chiropractor he'll be. Love you Dr. Dawson!<br />
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My siblings (and niece, of course, she can't get far from her aunties when we're around). <br />
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Zach was chosen as the Young Leader of the Community. We went to the ceremony last night where they mentioned they had the most amount of nominations they've ever had. What I loved the most was the ways they talked about him actually changing the community in which we live. Though he has taken Camp Abe Lincoln from operating in the red to operating in the black, he has done so much more. I have always shouted his praises from this particular blog rooftop but I was so thankful the rest of the community is catching on.<br />
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There was a caricature artist at the ceremony last night. We had to bring baby A with us, as she can't be babysat by my parents like the rest of my kids (only certified foster/adopt/respite people are allowed to baby sit kids in the foster care system) so she got in on the action too.<br />
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My parents and grandparents made the trip to Davenport to celebrate Marcus's graduation, as well as Lindsey's (Marcus's wife) parents. Some of my favorite moments this week were spent these last few days talking to all of those people. I am very blessed to have such a great family. And particularly blessed by my niece Adley Sue who looks up to Trysten like no other. They were so cute last night.<br />
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And tonight Trysten has his birthday sleepover with a few friends and 2 of my nephews. He is so excited and I am admittedly excited too. I'm grateful he has learned to make great choices in the friend department, so it's always a pleasure to see Trysten in that element. Also, time with my nephews? Can't get enough. But first, a little ice cream to start off his festivities today.<br />
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Happy weekend to you!hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-24275848113326901052013-02-19T13:04:00.000-08:002013-02-19T13:04:06.590-08:00TomorrowI have a few minutes before the kids get home from school so I wanted to sort through my thoughts a bit. Since Zach isn't here I guess you guys will do. ;)<br />
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I got a call yesterday about fostering a little 1 1/2-year-old. In the past we have fostered a newborn and a 9-year-old. The newborn was fun for all of his cute, squishy goodness but a real wake up call -literally- when it came to nighttime feedings and whatnot. Our lives, as it turns out, are so far removed from babies that it was just too much of an adjustment.<br />
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The 9-year-old was much the same story. We are not actually "open" to a child that old (we signed on for 0-5) but it turns out they'll call you on anything. <i>Anything</i>. We've had calls ranging from 0 to 17-years-old. True. Story. And for a girl like me, it's really really hard to say no. No matter if they are a 17-year-old boy with significant issues or a newborn baby with no issues. The 9-year-old was kind of thrust at us, for lack of better term, and we felt unprepared to say no. Mostly because they handed us her contract right in front of her. We loved and cared for her for a week and then she found a more permanent place.<br />
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So we've learned lots of lessons already, which I guess is good. The hard part for me is our learning has come at the expense of actual children. Having adopted kids from hard places I know what even the smallest of things can do to a child, let alone the constant transitioning between caregivers.<br />
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After the 9-year-old I told Zach I wanted to take a break. I felt like it was too much. I had forgotten how hard it was on everyone (and selfishly, on me) to attach to new people. I had forgotten how emotionally draining it is to be everything for a child who has nothing. It. is. hard. And I wanted to be done with it.<br />
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But something kept pulling at me. If you're anything like me, you too constantly gravitate towards comfort. I want things to be easy, I desire stress free environments. Fostering is not easy. There, I said it. The reality is, though, I really do believe we are made to live in tension. Particularly those of us who are blessed to have enough food, clean water, shelter and jobs every day. For those of us who have the basics cared for, I am convinced we are meant to live in a place where we are challenged, always moving forward either on our behalf or neighbors'.<br />
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It looks differently for everyone (I'm certainly not one to say everyone should adopt or foster or do the things I'm doing) which is kind of what I love about the whole thing. If we actually act on what pulls us, if we actually do the things that might make us uncomfortable at first but has the potential to change us...well then we really could change the world. Each in our own little ways, each in our own little spheres of influence.<br />
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Tomorrow a little girl will get off a plane and come live at camp for awhile. I have no idea for how long and I have no idea what it will look like to have her here. Today I'm going through where she will sleep, where we will put her clothes (where will we get clothes?). But tonight while I try-and fail- to sleep I'll think about my fears and hopes and dreams and anxieties. Like I do all the time. Whether we have foster children or not.<br />
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Because if there's one thing I know for sure, the tension I'm living in today always results in a breakthrough of sorts. Usually it's a realization of my own shortcomings but sometimes it's a revelation that even someone like me-a deeply flawed human-can affect even a little bit of change. I just have to get over myself a bit and allow it to happen naturally on it's own.<br />
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In the meantime I'd take prayers and positive thoughts, not for me but for her-that she might have patience with me. And that she might know regardless, she is a deeply loved human.hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-46844525986996214802013-02-18T07:32:00.000-08:002013-02-18T07:32:11.505-08:00...I really liked <a href="http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2013/02/you-say-you-care-about-poor.html">this</a> post by one of my favorite bloggers about how we view missions, etc. Please go to that link (and, if you have time, follow the other links she uses). I'll wait...<br />
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So I got a new (to me) computer from a friend of mine. She (the computer) is beautiful and fast and sleek. I love her. I feel a brand new excitement over blogging because things actually happen when I ask them to and that is very new and refreshing. It's also easier to post pictures. Yay!<br />
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In the car Tariku and I fell asleep. When I woke up he was draped over my shoulder with his hands encircling mine. We have come a long way, my friends.<br />
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Dailah is in a new dance studio this year. It is SO much better than her last one. I loved this quote from her studio, "Today is your day to DANCE lightly with life, sing WILD songs of adventure, soar your spirit, unfurl your joy."<br />
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Went on a date with the hubs. I don't love Valentine's Day. I hate anything that feels forced and unnatural. A day to celebrate love is my kind of day but a day to celebrate love forced on us by mega corporations? Nothankyouverymuch. So every year Zach and I pick a different day to celebrate love. It's our way of throwing our fist up at the man.<br />
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The kids went to their first Iowa Hawkeye wrestling meet. The Hawks are really, really good so it was a lot of fun. The big 3 got front row seats with their grandpa while the rest of us sat a little higher. It was so much fun.<br />
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Tomas had his first piano "recital" last night. He has only been playing for a few months so it was mostly just showing us what he had learned. Regardless, I was so proud of him.<br />
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Tomas was SO nervous-as evidenced by his chewing his fingernails off. But he killed it. My precious son. A lot of our family came to watch his debut. For our kids from hard places there is something so profound about people they love showing up. When Tomas woke up yesterday he put on the nicest outfit he owns. All black with a red tie. Upon seeing his outfit the rest of his siblings emerged with similar looking outfits in solidarity. It meant so much to him. I just think that is the coolest. I think he is the coolest.<br />
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Not to be outdone, Zach and his brother Jake performed a little Heart and Soul as well. They looked like a couple of twins. I loved every second.<br />
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<br />hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-71902360387353467422013-02-12T15:27:00.006-08:002013-02-12T15:27:43.790-08:00Haiti...Part 3-Photos<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Haiti wasn't all soul shaking and serious. Oh no. In fact, a lot of it was just nice. Spending time with so many women I love is one of my favorite things on earth to do. It worked out that we happened to be experiencing Haiti together. These pictures are not in chronlogical order nor any order I can determine, this is just how my computer spit them out and I'm too lazy to correct. Alas...</div>
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We were in the car. A lot. And the streets of Haiti are like the ones in Ethiopia. A very. big. hazard. Potholes abound, stoplights are rare and driving is perilous. Erica (far right) started calling the bumps "Haitian massages". Not sure why they look so pretty during said Haitian massages and I look, well...</div>
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The food we ate. Oh the food! Loved it. In fact I can't remember one thing I didn't love and wish was in the states. Here on our final full day we found an Italian-type restaurant.<br />
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We laughed. A lot. Sometimes it was because things were funny, sometimes because they were awkward. Sometimes because you found yourself paying a gentleman for some toilet paper so you could use a restroom in a trailer. Then you found yourself laughing harder because your toilet didn't have a lid and you were next to a man "taking a twozie" as my kids say.<br />
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One of the stove vendors made us a meal from the stove. Rice and beans, the staple of Haitian diet. I fell in love. Mouth is watering thinking about it.<br />
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Haiti was beautiful. So. Beautiful.<br />
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This picture had to be added despite the overexposure because Jody and I were just having a nice heart to heart. Erica came upon us and pointed out that we were standing in front of a painting that was, ahem, risqué-complete with pubic hair and such.<br />
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I got Jody to drink a beer! Yup, it was exciting. I think the only reason I did was because she was literally knocking on death's door and figured "why not" but still, felt like a victory. And the Prestige is a great Haitian beer.<br />
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Did I mention we were in the car a lot? (Here with an interpreter).<br />
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Mmmmmmm food!!!!<br />
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Food! (I took most of these food pictures for my sister, Leslie). :)<br />
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My purple hair sure was somethin' else in the Haitian sun. I felt relieved(?) to see it matched a menu at my favorite Lebanese restaurant.<br />
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The whole group.<br />
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<a href="http://www.theadventureproject.org/">Stoves</a>!<br />
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Thought it was so cool that the stoves were made in a carport by the locals. So cool.<br />
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I think that's all I have for the Haiti trip. I might work some more out of it throughout the year but that's the condensed version. I am very thankful for the experience. If you have any questions please feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an email! </div>
hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-2239973218644861472013-02-10T07:10:00.000-08:002013-02-10T07:44:46.054-08:00Haiti...Part 2-Eshet ChayilThursday I wrote <a href="http://www.hotflawedmama.blogspot.com/2013/02/haitipart-1.html">a bit</a> about what I initially saw in Haiti. Today my focus is on some of my thoughts since being home.<br />
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On the way home from Haiti I read Rachel Held Evans's book, <u>A Year of Biblical Womanhood</u>. Though the book was slow to start for me it rebounded well and I really enjoyed it overall. Anyway, one of my favorite parts was when Evans was discussing the Proverbs 31 woman. I don't want to go into the whole thing here but in the end Evans says the Proverb is actually a love poem (modern day Christians often interpret this passage prescriptively which, Evans claims, is not at all how it was originally written) if you will, to an Eshet Chayil which loosely translates as "Woman of Valor".<br />
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That phrase "Eshet Chayil" stayed with me. A few weeks of introspection proves that phrase spoke to me because Eshet Chayil was all around me in Haiti.<br />
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<i>Indeed, UNICEF reports that the ripple effects of empowering women can change the future of society. It raises economic productivity, reduces infant mortality, contributes to overall improved health and nutrition, and increases the chances of education for the next generation.</i> -<u>A Year of Biblical Womanhood</u><br />
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Marie was the first stove vendor we met at the large market in the heart of Port au Prince. She was the top seller for <a href="http://www.theadventureproject.org/">The Adventure Project</a> (TAP). Marie pushes out somewhere close to 80 stoves a week! Marie learned about TAP because one of her friends was a vendor but "didn't take advantage of the opportunity". So Marie asked if she could try, and try she did! Marie is a mom to four. She now makes enough money to provide transportation to a job for her older two children. Marie's younger two children can now go to school. Marie is the very essence of an entrepenuer. When asked if there was anything she wanted to tell us she went on for minutes. Ideas about ways in which to grow her business, to provide for the citizens of rural Haiti as well. We never had to ask Marie to smile, the woman was on fire. All of the intelligence, dignity and strength she possessed before was only enhanced by her opportunity with TAP. Marie is a Woman of Valor! Eshet Chayil!<br />
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Mylande was another vendor we visited just outside the city. When those of us from TAP first arrived at the meeting place there was a group of men meeting inside the building. There was much talking between them. When Mylande arrived it was quiet. She approached us with shoulders back and a soft smile. Mylande is a young woman who lives with five people in her home (mom, dad, aunts, uncles, etc). She is now able to provide for all of them with the income she receives as a stove vendor. Also? She is able to buy a few nice things for herself. Because she is not unlike so many of us, she was very proud of that. I can't blame her. Mylande, Eshet Chayil!<br />
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Nicole is the second best seller of stoves. When we arrived at her house there was somewhere around 10-15 family members there. I'm not sure if they all lived there but it was clear they were all enjoying lunch at her house. While talking with Nicole a group of 5 children came home from school. Their uniforms were clean and bright. I was struck by the realization that all of this came from one opportunity. But of course that one opportunity didn't make all of this happen, Nicole made all of that happen. Because she works her butt off. That potential was just sitting in wait, she took the opportunity and ran with it. Providing food for her family and schooling for her child and the children of her community. Nicole, Eshet Chayil! (Note: Nicole didn't want her picture taken so you get a picture of me asking the Director of TAP's partner, ILF, a question. I asked lots of questions. This is actually what I looked like most of the trip: sweaty and annoyingly inquisitive).<br />
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There were more stove vendors, of course. All with similar stories, all women of valor. There was even a man! Another group visited him and came back with his incredible story. But it wasn't just the stove vendors that were women of valor on that trip.<br />
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There was Erica who was a fund developer for another charity I support ;) Erica who goes to India on yoga/spiritual retreats. Erica who quit that really amazing job to lend her support to TAP for free. Erica who was the only other vegetarian on the trip and often had to "share" a meal with me (I ate most of it). Erica-Eshet Chayil!<br />
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Sarah who also volunteers as TAP's numbers genius. Sarah who started one of Texas's biggest and most successful real estate companies. Sarah who clearly takes on life with an amazing smile-all the beautiful and terrible. She is Eshet Chayil!<br />
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Megan who is a busy mama to five. This craft maven of an uber popular blog took her passion (crafting) and turned it into a thriving business. She hosts craft weekends that have a long waiting list just to attend. I got to room with Megan and I can tell you her heart is good and it's pure. Her love for all things God loves is true. Megan-Eshet Chayil! (There are no pictures of beautiful Megan because she happens to be an amazing photographer and took beautiful pictures. This is all I have, from the last day when we dressed in the same colors.)<br />
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Rebecca is a big shot marketing director in New York. But meeting Rebecca you get a sense that marketing is just her day job. Rebecca travels the world learning about new cultures and new communities. She falls in love with them all. Rebecca so obviously understands so little separates us all. Rebecca owns all that she is and it is a sight to behold. Rebecca, so clearly is an Eshet Chayil!<br />
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Rebekah is the southern belle I always pictured myself being. She is sweet and smart, funny and strong. Rebekah had all the women and men we met in Haiti eating out of the palm of her hand. Her charm came from a place of strength and a complete awareness of self. Though Rebekah is a successful businesswoman, when I left her the only way I could think to define her was Eshet Chayil!<br />
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Christine and Raphaella were the Directors of the partner that TAP works with in Haiti. Christine is half haitian, half french canadian. Hearing her extensive knowledge of Haitian history and her passion for renewing Haiti to it's former glory was absolutely inspiring. Christine-Eshet Chayil! Raphaella, a beautiful Italian woman who had just completed her PhD in International Aid. A woman in her 40s, when she told me her life's story it was a story about constant re-creation of self. When Raphaella realized what she was doing with her life wasn't what fulfilled her anymore, she tried something new. Raphaella was an ever evolving woman who, throughout her life, was clearly the essence of Eshet Chayil!<br />
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Jody and Becky, the co-founders of The Adventure Project. They are what started it all. For me, for the stove vendors, for the women on the trip with me- it's all because of them. One meeting many years ago in the back of a van in Uganda led these women to start a non profit that is quickly becoming the model for other non profits. Becky, a woman who is educated in International Aid but whose heart has been there long before. Becky who has a sense for the need and exactly how to provide it so that it doesn't look like she was involved at all. Becky who knows exactly what she wants for TAP and has poured years of blood, sweat and tears into making it happen. Becky who will stop at nothing to add venture to the countries who need it most. Becky-Eshet Chayil! And Jody, a friend of mine for whom I've been thankful as long as I can remember. Jody, who knows instinctively how to rally those of us at our homes, taking care of our kids or in offices working away at cubicles. Jody who relates so well to the women in America who want to change the lives of the women around the world. Jody, who really knows how to bring heaven down to earth in so. many. ways. Jody-Eshet Chayil!<br />
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This blog was wordy, I know that. But I think it had to be. Because I want so badly for you to get a glimpse of what I saw in Haiti. I want you to see that it was a story I could've told about women here in the States as well. So little separates us. I love knowing that my money is providing opportunities for women there to change the face of their families, their communities and their nation. I. love. that.<br />
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<i><b>I knew somewhere deep in my bones that a revolution was afoot, that the women of this earth were rising up, and that, in some way, great or small, I was going to be a part of it.</b></i> -<u>A year of Biblical Womanhood</u><br />
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<br />hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-11449338929325096632013-02-07T11:48:00.001-08:002013-02-08T12:05:58.827-08:00Haiti...part 1Two weeks ago I went to Haiti. I posted that I was going but have been wanting to really process what I saw and be purposeful about what I wrote. So I took my time and waited until I felt like I could tell you.<br />
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Haiti is in pretty good shape y'all.<br />
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I'm sure you've read the same things I had read before I left. That it's the cholera capital of the world, that it's still in shambles since the earthquake 3 years ago. All of that. I'd read that and let it affect the way I felt when I thought of Haiti.<br />
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But by and large, it's just untrue. In many ways I think that narrative is out there to serve the agencies that want you to donate to make it better. I'm not saying it's good or bad (you can judge that however you'd like) I'm just saying that it <i>is</i>.<br />
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Haiti looks like virtually every other developing country I've been too. Many times we'd be driving/bouncing through the streets of Port au Prince and I became mentally transported to Ethiopia. When I'd see a building that looked leveled due to the earthquake I'd ask the driver, "Did that collapse during the earthquake?"<br />
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"No. It's always been like that."<br />
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"How about that building?"<br />
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"No."<br />
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A source there said Haiti now is exactly where it was before the earthquake. Is it great? No. Is it still a developing country figuring it out? Yes. But it's not what you've been thinking.<br />
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I say all of this because I think it's important. For those of you who gave to various charities right after the earthquake and for those of you who didn't. Because you should know there is always hope and there is always something beautiful after something terrible. I learned that from my friend, Jody. :)<br />
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So Haiti is beautiful. It really is. And do you know where I saw the most beauty?<br />
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In the men making the <a href="http://www.haitistoves.causevox.com/">stoves</a> and the women overseeing the process.<br />
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I saw it in the stove vendors and their families.<br />
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Let me first say I am not in any way being paid by <a href="http://www.theadventureproject.org/">The Adventure Project</a>. I went to Haiti with them because I wanted to see how they work with their local partners. I ask all of my family and friends (and people I've met only once or even ones I've never met) to give a lot of money to The Adventure Project (TAP). That's a big deal to me. I wanted to make sure that TAP was THE non-profit in which I wanted to put my energy.<br />
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And they are. They are doing it. Charcoal efficient stoves don't solve all of the problems that afflict Haiti but it solves so. many.<br />
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They keep children who would normally be very sick or even die healthier by burning about 40% less charcoal, thus making the air healthier to breathe.<br />
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They burn the charcoal slower, thus making it cheaper.<br />
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It takes about 1 1/2 hours LESS TIME to cook a family dinner on the TAP stoves. This frees up time to do other essential stuff like cleaning, taking care of children or working.<br />
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The charcoal efficient stoves provide jobs. Because when you donate to TAP you are helping subsidize the building of a stove (done exclusively by Haitians) which are then sold (exclusively by Haitians). It employs locals at every. single. level.<br />
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Which is HUGE for a country trying to pick themselves up from such a horrible tragedy.<br />
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When I asked a local how they really felt about international aid they said simply. "We know we have to have it right now. But we want to get to a point where we don't <i>need</i> it. <i>We</i> want to pick ourselves up. We want to rely on <i>ourselves</i>. We aren't there yet, but we want to be there <i>some</i> <i>day</i>."<br />
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I was told of another agency that bought 10,000 stoves and then gave them out. A local said that ends up taking the country 2 steps back.<br />
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<b>Because "charity" has to stop being a hand out and needs to start being a hand up.</b><br />
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That is why I love The Adventure Project. Because their goal is to become completely obsolete in the whole picture. For the stove venture to become a completely Haitian venture. Come on, that's amazing!!!!<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Ok, off to take eldest to the doc. I will finish my series on my Haitian adventure. There's still important stuff I want to tell you. This post was heavy on what The Adventure Project is doing. The next posts will be more about the way I see my role in this thing called "life" and "caring for each other" and all of that. And there will be more pictures. Hopefully there will be post with a little bit more of my wit and sarcasm. Get excited for that. ;)</span><br />
<br />hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-47608073371456972032013-01-21T06:34:00.000-08:002013-01-21T06:34:17.582-08:00To Haiti I Go<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">"On some positions, Cowardice asks the question, "Is it safe?" Expediency asks the question, "Is it politic?" And Vanity comes along and asks the question, "Is it popular?" But Conscience asks the question "Is it right?" And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must do it because Conscience tells him it is right."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">I'm going to Haiti on Wednesday. It's nearly impossible to imagine as I sit here in my living room watching the Today show and drinking my coffee. Still in my sweatpants, I can hear my kids playing and laughing together. I'm already starting to feel that separation in my mind. How do you rectify the two worlds? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">I remember this feeling before we left to go to Ethiopia to pick up Tomas and Binyam. Having been there once before I knew what was about to hit me and so I struggled the week leading up to our trip with staying present. When you know your whole world is about to be rocked how do you stay focused on enjoying the present day? </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">I started with the Martin Luther King Jr quote for a few reasons. Obviously today is the day we celebrate his life and legacy but also because that quote kind of stood out today. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">So many times in the last few weeks I've felt the urge to back out of the trip. I kept thinking that a sane person wouldn't be going to Haiti. Of course I feel safe there, but as safe as I feel now in my sweatpants on my couch? Well no of course not. Because there are so many unknowns. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">And I've done all but begged my Facebook followers to donate money to buy <a href="http://haitistoves.causevox.com/">stoves</a>. $20 for one stove. That's a coffee date with your best friend, a movie with your husband OR a stove that doesn't make a family sick in Haiti. A job for someone in Haiti. Donating $60 will enter your name in a drawing to have your chance to go to Haiti AND give 3 families stoves. Every time I went to post I hesitated for just a second and asked, "Is this popular? Will they get sick of me?" It lasted for a minute but I admittedly still thought it. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">But then of course, to combat the doubts I ask "is it right"? Not the actual going to Haiti but the act of annoying my friends and family for donations, the act of putting myself in a position to be moved, to be broken and to see heaven meet earth. And of course the answer is a resounding "yes". </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">I think the tension I feel in my stomach is simply God working. He's preparing me to not only see the brokenness of of the world but also in me. Trips like these have a way of holding a big ole' mirror in front of you and revealing all the areas you fall short. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">So I'm going to Haiti. I'm going to see for my own eyes the amazing work <a href="http://www.theadventureproject.org/">The Adventure Project</a> is doing there. I'm going to see how they use local partners to empower their own people. I'm going to see brothers helping brothers and sisters helping sisters. I'm going to see healthy kids who were once sick. I'm going to see so. much. more. And I can't wait to share it with you. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">Will you pray for me? Will you send positive vibes, light candles or dedicate your meditation to the trip? Will you donate? While there, we are drawing the name of the person who wins the next trip to Haiti (<b>remember all it takes is you donating $60 OR you encouraging enough people to total $60</b>). I want to pull out your name. Because you blog readers have been with me for so long and through so much. I want you to get your chance to be changed as well. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">So <a href="http://haitistoves.causevox.com/">donate</a> today. It's said constantly where our money goes, so too goes our heart. Let your money <i>and</i> your heart go to the Haitian people still reeling 3 years later. I'll be able to tell you all about it in a few short days. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">Off to work really hard at that staying present deal. On a day like today, I'm constantly reminded how blessed I am by my life. To have the kids that I do and the family that I do. To have the opportunities I do. So, so thankful. </span></span>hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-14396916926221461722013-01-11T14:05:00.000-08:002013-01-11T14:05:31.559-08:00HeeeyI have this friend since second grade, when we talk on the phone (every couple months or so) we open with "heeeey" (pronounced like "hay" with the "a" drawn out). Every time I can hear her smile-and I'm sure she can hear me smile as well-and then we pick up where we left off. The "heeey" is our way of saying, "I'm sorry it's been so long, we have 10 kids between us, life is bound to go too quickly."<br />
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So...heeeey.<br />
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I think the best way I can summarize what's been going on is with bullet points.<br />
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-The big 3 are wrestling. My dad was a good wrestler, as was my brother. I come from "a wrestling family", as it were. If you live in Iowa and you say you are from "a wrestling family" you automatically get a little more street cred. This state is crazy about its men in tights rolling around with each other. Because I've loved my little brother so intensely for as long as I can remember I used to <i>hate</i> watching him wrestle. It's just so intense, it's just so vulnerable. Weeeell, it's way worse as a mom. Boys had their first tournament last weekend and I really did feel like I was going to throw up all day. It is insanely hard to watch them get beat at something. I'm nowhere close to a helicopter parent but in those moments I see why it's an epidemic in this nation-in many ways it'd be so much easier to shelter my kids from experiencing that for as long as I can. Instead, I sign them up for another tournament this weekend. Builds character, right?<br />
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-We got a new kitten. Made the mistake of going to a friend's house who lives in the country. Their farm cat had 7 farm kittens. Say what you will but dammit if the sight of all 5 of my kids begging me for another cat isn't impossible to say no to. Zach finds it just as difficult, thus: Evie D. ("Evie" for Z's grandma "Evelyn" and "D" for my grandma "Delores".) She's sassy and fun and funny just like our grandmas. Oh, and we brought her home on New Years EVE. It's just the perfect name. :)<br />
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-I took the GRE. Yeah I did. I decided to apply to grad school. It's something I knew I wanted to do since I was in college myself, but I've loved raising my kids so much. Now that they're in school it's just good timing. I'm going for my PhD in Communication Studies, hoping to one day teach at the collegiate level. If I get in then I know it was as good a timing as we thought, if not, there's always next year!<br />
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-Christmas was amazing. Many times on Christmas Day I looked around me and thought "I never even thought to dream this big." That is how good life is right now. It's busy, and it's crazy but it's good. This year we did the "Something you want, something you need, something you wear and something you read." Then a gift from Santa and some stocking stuffers from us. I LOVED it. By nature I love things simple and efficient, so that fit the bill extremely well. If you've been looking to downsize presents in order to focus on more important stuff, I can't urge you enough to do something like it.<br />
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-I'm going to Haiti in just over a week. After <a href="http://www.hotflawedmama.blogspot.com/2012/11/wine-to-water-2012.html">Wine to Water</a> <a href="http://www.jodyrlanders.com/">Jody</a> asked if I'd like to go and see just how good <a href="http://www.theadventureproject.org/">The Adventure Project</a> really is. Um, yeah. Many times, particularly as money is always tight around Christmas, I'd say to Zach, "Honey I just won't go to Haiti, it's fine." And God love him, he consistently said, "It doesn't matter, you have to go, Tesi. I won't let you not go." Sweet Jesus I love that man. So I'm going. I am really, really excited.<br />
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So much more has gone on, obviously, in the last few months. But as I rang in the new year with my kiddos, my hubby and my sister/brother-in-law I couldn't help but realize just how great this year was. We had our struggles, boy did we! But they were worth it. Because we've come to 2013 and we are stronger and happier than ever.<br />
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We have no idea what 2013 holds for us but we are excited about life. We are thankful for it. And I'll take that any day.hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-20774119257638816992012-11-29T14:44:00.002-08:002012-11-29T14:44:47.937-08:00Wine to Water 2012Almost 3 weeks (3 weeks!) ago there was a little event called Wine to Water in Davenport. You guys have heard about it for years. <a href="http://www.hotflawedmama.blogspot.com/2009/11/wine-to-water-party.html">First year</a>, <a href="http://www.hotflawedmama.blogspot.com/2010/11/wine-to-water-event.html">second year</a>, <a href="http://www.hotflawedmama.blogspot.com/2011/11/wine-to-water-2011.html">third year</a>.<br />
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Clearly I'm a little late to the game on posting about it. The week after the event I was literally so exhausted I was going to bed at about 8pm every night.<br />
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The second week after the event I will call the "I wish it was this weekend again" week. My thoughts were lost in how much fun it was and how much I wished we could do it all again every weekend.<br />
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So you get the summary 3 weeks late. There will be no pictures on this summary because my computer is old and crazy and hates me apparently. So if you want pictures, see my sister's blog <a href="http://www.farm-raised.blogspot.com/2012/11/radio-silence.html">here</a>, or Jody's blog <a href="http://jodyrlanders.com/2012/11/amazing-night/">here</a>.<br />
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But here at hotflawedmama you'll get thoughts and lamenting from a humbled woman.<br />
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The party details were virtually the same, so read past posts for that information if you're interested.<br />
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This post I want to be about the people.<br />
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My <a href="http://www.farm-raised.blogspot.com/">sister-in-law</a>, of course. Who contributed more than ever before. Who was <b>the</b> person I called to just scream into the phone and then hang up. Who insisted on daily calls the last 2 weeks, mostly because she knew that's my jam. Who answered my doom and gloom texts with positivity and exclamation points! She. was. amazing.<br />
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My husband who, once again, astounded me in every possible way. Facebooking for the first time in months (years?) to drum up support. And who literally gave people eargasms with his beautiful voice and guitar playing. (Well, him and a few of our other amazing friends).<br />
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<a href="http://www.jodyrlanders.com/">Jody</a> who flew in from the Northeast to talk about why <a href="http://www.theadventureproject.org/">The Adventure Project</a> is the best in the business at what they do (creating jobs, integrity, providing clean water, etc). I can't really explain how good it was to see her but I can tell you she is as amazing and beautiful as ever. I was so thankful she came and so sad when she left. And for <a href="http://burbackfamily.blogspot.com/">Cassie</a> who chauffeured her around all weekend.<br />
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For my amazing interweb friends who donated online and for the one (cough, Chandra, cough) who bid HIGH on a few of the online auction items. And to my aunt-in-law who came from St. Louis.<br />
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For blogger friends <a href="http://semiferalmama.wordpress.com/">SFM</a> and <a href="http://www.thejourney4hope.blogspot.com/">Tamara</a> and Facebook friends who made the trip from Chicago, Wisconsin and other ungodly parts of Iowa. They came to support and stay at camp and hang with us. Unfortunately I was legit the worst hostess ever and, when I was hanging with them, was either preoccupied mentally or so exhausted I might have been partially sleeping. I am hopeful they believe in second chances.<br />
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And of course, my friends and family here. It's kind of amazing what throwing a decent sized fundraiser can do to bring out the real friends you have. The ones who maybe you thought were and then kind of go MIA? Maybe not so much. The ones you thought could one day become a friend offer their arm and leg (and sometimes many beautiful floral centerpieces!) and time and talents. They text you with things like "I'm bringing 11 people! And I've gotten 4 amazing pieces of art to donate too!"<br />
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Here's something about me that is kind of the essence of me. If I know you, if I like you, if I love you or have ever loved you, I will pour myself into our relationship in as much of a capacity as I'm able. I will do virtually anything for you. Even if we've fought or had a bit of a falling out, doesn't matter. If you call me and need anything I'll do it. Please don't take this as something I'm bragging about. I'm kind of an exhausting friend because I don't understand when my friends don't return my fervor. :) See what I mean? My intensity is not always an awesome thing. It's actually what I blame my prepubescent acne on...<br />
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But having events like this, I've seen that my energy naturally draws similar energy to it. This party is not possible without many people who have equal parts passion, intensity and borderline psychosis (like me). It's just not.<br />
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And so I'm left, 3 weeks later, feeling so grateful to those people. And you people who prayed and sent out your good energy to the event.<br />
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Because, after all is said and done, the event will have raised somewhere between $13-15,000 (long story why there's such a discrepancy).<br />
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Regardless of what the actual total is, it means people in India are empowered, get jobs and have sustainable access to <a href="http://theadventureproject.org/home/portfolio/water">clean water</a>.<br />
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And if there's one thing I'm really intense about, other than friends and family, it's global access to clean water.<br />
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Until next year...hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-76517413152297600332012-11-05T05:23:00.000-08:002012-11-05T07:01:45.675-08:00Wine to Water Online Auction!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">If you're anything like me, there are times in this online world that you feel completely bummed that you are missing something taking place in places like California or Colorado or Seattle. And I know, because you all have told me, that a lot of you across this great nation are bummed you are missing Wine to Water. So last year we held an online auction of some of the art available at the event. The online auction brought in almost $1000. So how could we not do it again?</span><br />
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Here is your chance. Your chance to bid on really beautiful art as well as enter into this story.</div>
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This story is complicated and brutifal. It involves using "small" people (moms, friends, sisters) to do big things across the world. It involves a small-ish community to change the face of a big community. It involves entering into the story of our moms, friends, sisters around the world. And I can attest to the fact that when you choose to enter into the story, your life will never be the same. Every time you look at that piece of art, you will remember that you are part of it. Incredible.</div>
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So here's the deal. The online auction starts right now, and will close Saturday, November 10th at 12pm CST. Send your highest bid to me at <a href="mailto:tesileagh@gmail.com" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">tesileagh@gmail.com</a>. We will have someone bidding on your behalf Saturday night. So if you love a piece, bid high to ensure you get it! :) If you have any questions about the piece, email me and I will find the answer for you! Also, the photography is not awesome, I apologize. It comes from various sources with various levels of clarity. </div>
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Remember, your bid (should you win) will go directly to <a href="http://www.theadventureproject.org/water">The Adventure Project</a>. Your bid will be tax deductible! Win a piece of incredible art AND tackle the water crisis? Incredible.</div>
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This is just a portion of the art available at the event on Saturday. If you are even close to Davenport, Iowa you need to be making the trip to see the rest. Beautiful stuff. Oh, and the party is really, really fun. Have I mentioned that? And edgy and cool. Need proof? From last year (Thanks, <a href="http://www.godwilladd.blogspot.com/">Captain</a>!)<br />
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Alas, the art! Good luck and happy bidding!</div>
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1) "Mother Africa" is a 14x11 canvas Acrylic mixed media painting with original photography transfer.</div>
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2) "Falling Waters" is a 27x74 quilted wall hanging. </div>
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3) "Giving Hands" is an 11x14 Acrylic on Canvas</div>
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4) "Water is Life" is a 16x20 Acrylic on canvas</div>
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5) "African Savannah" is an 11x14 Acrylic on canvas</div>
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6) "Ocean Rose" is an 18x24 Oil on canvas</div>
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7) "African Village" is 4 1/2' x 18". It is hand painted by an African Fair Trade Artist and then machine quilted and bound in the Quad Cities. </div>
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8) "Water Gives Life" is a series of 3 (you are bidding on them together) 16x20 Acrylic on canvas. When combined, the piece is 20 x 4.5'. </div>
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9) "Sirocco Solano" is 5' x 4' <b>framed</b> oil on canvas.<br />
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I'm so excited! Go! Bid! </div>
hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-24352729741304428792012-11-01T18:01:00.000-07:002012-11-01T18:01:32.164-07:00...I have this weird thing with people who talk about being "busy". As much as I, for the most part, am pretty good at letting people "do them" I am complete shit at that when people talk about how busy they are. It's all relative, right? I have Facebook/blog friends who are moms to more than 10 children. 10. At any point when I feel a little overwhelmed by my "busy" I think about what it must feel like to feed/bathe/clothe that many people and I tip my pretend little hat.<br />
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I'm not that busy.<br />
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And really, I'm not.<br />
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My sister got married almost 2 weeks ago. I can't wait to show you pictures. She was beautiful, my new brother-in-law was handsome. They were so happy. I am crying right now just remembering it all. It was absolutely beautiful. I'm so thankful they found each other. I love them both more than I can possibly put into words (which is why, on a sidenote, I did a flash mob as my matron of honor speech). Good times.<br />
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This weekend my hubby and I are heading out for some fun with friends. The thought of being with that guy with no kids makes me a little slap happy.<br />
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And the weekend after is Wine to Water. Lots of fun stuff coming up with that.<br />
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But this post is really about the fact that a few days ago Tariku asked if he could snuggle with me. Please re-read as many times as necessary.<br />
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My Tariku asked to snuggle with me (for the first time in 4 1/2 years).<br />
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I was hot and grumpy, talking to Zach about various things.<br />
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But I snuggled the shit out of my son, of course I did.<br />
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This boy who still shirks a good deal of my physical touch asked to snuggle after so many years.<br />
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I wanted you to know because things are really good with us, despite that, they really are. But man I didn't know I had been missing that so much until his little body draped over mine.<br />
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So if you're in the thick of the cringe-when-touched or any of the other stuff that we gladly (or not so) take on as adoptive mamas I just wanted you to know.<br />
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Carry on mama warriors. It'll be worth it. Promise.hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-34334062332890475162012-10-18T12:28:00.000-07:002012-10-18T12:28:04.245-07:00Almost a month laterHow is that even possible? Almost a month after <a href="http://www.hotflawedmama.blogspot.com/2012/09/abe-and-aristotle.html">this</a> and I still think about those 2 all the time. Every time I come home I look up the hill at the clearing where they are buried. Fall is beautiful at camp, one of my favorite seasons for sure. Where they are buried there is one bright red/purple tree that sits among only yellow/orange ones. I love that.<br />
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2 days after the dogs died we got a call about a baby boy they were wanting us to foster. He was born minutes after Aristotle died. I don't care who you are or what you believe, that is significant.<br />
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I needed a distraction, so the dog that took such good care of me for 8 years sent me one.<br />
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And what a distraction he was!<br />
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It has been 6 years since I've had a baby in this house so it was quite an adjustment. Are you aware newborns don't sleep through the night? Yikes, that was rough.<br />
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But Z was such a good baby! He was beautiful and wonderful and exactly what I needed to help ease the pain of losing my other 2 "babies" a bit.<br />
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We had him for almost 3 weeks and then he transitioned to a home that will potentially adopt him should his birth mom not be able to regain custody. It's for the best (particularly since I have a few things going on that no sleep/newborn made difficult) but I do miss the little guy.<br />
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My sister is getting married on Saturday (MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED ON SATURDAY!!!!) and I'm so excited. I love her fiance and I love a good party. Let's do this.<br />
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<a href="http://www.hotflawedmama.blogspot.com/2011/11/wine-to-water-2011.html">Wine to Water</a> will be November 10th. I love throwing this little shindig. It'll look a little different this year but the results will be the same - hundreds of people who will have access to clean water who were once without. That's awesome.<br />
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Life has such incredible rhythms built into it, I've found.<br />
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Grief (losing the dogs) can give way to incredible joy (my beloved sister getting married) and sacrifice (weeks/months of planning) can give way to blessing (for those with jobs/water and for me-to witness a community that truly cares about the world).<br />
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I think it's in these moments that I see God the most. In the moments of despair and in the moments of dancing. Life was never meant to be spent entirely in the middle, even though that's where we constantly try to remain.<br />
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Life in the depths or heights is brutal and beautiful (or brutiful as <a href="http://momastery.com/blog/">this</a> blogger calls it-which I love and will heretofore steal) and even though it can be beyond painful I wouldn't trade it for a life lived in the middle.<br />
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A life lived there wouldn't have given me Tomas, Tariku or Binyam. It wouldn't have given me this marriage that is the epitome of brutiful. It wouldn't have given me the dogs or most of my friendships.<br />
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So I'll take it. It's damn hard but I'll take it.<br />
<br />hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-14841686357733493632012-09-25T16:19:00.001-07:002012-09-25T16:19:56.217-07:00Abe and AristotleI know most of you who read this blog (does anyone still read this blog?) are my friends on Facebook as well. So you know about my Abe and my Aristotle. But writing for me has always been therapeutic on some level and after spending the entire day on the couch watching Season 2 of Sons of Anarchy (love/hate that show) and crying at the mere sight of my dogs' water bowl I decided maybe I'd try to write about them.<br />
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About a month and half ago Abe started showing signs of something like a UTI. He peed in our house for the first time since he was a pup and had to go pretty frequently. Took him to the vet multiple times over the next few weeks and nothing was working. He stopped eating, slowly his legs stopped working properly. It wasn't good. So I sent a little Hail Mary to Facebook and the next day we fed him heated hot dogs. He ate 6 at one time. There was hope! We took him to a new vet who decided to go a different route with treatment and it worked...<br />
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Until it didn't. The last 2 weeks I could tell he was giving up. Finally, last Wednesday I laid on the floor with him and I just knew. I knew it was time. He hadn't eaten, he looked like this.<br />
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I told Zach I thought it was time but he didn't think so (we all know we humans handle these things differently). He asked me to take him to the vet Thursday morning. A good friend met me there. She had to lift him into her car. As we virtually carried him into the vet, I was swallowing that lump of emotion. Over and over. Until Abe got on the scale and it showed he was 110lbs. I. lost. my. shit. My Abie baby was always around 165 (I know this because Zach had a small obsession with how big he was as he was growing). The vet said if the meds didn't work, Monday would be the day.<br />
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You know where this is going, of course. The weekend was spent with Abe on the couch. Time spun too quickly, as it often does and I felt that pull in my belly. The blanket of sadness, the constant tension in my throat, the tears at the brim. Sunday afternoon I took my nap with my baby knowing it would be our last.<br />
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And did I mention that Thursday, when I had my "talk" with Abe, he walked off with Aristotle? I was outside and saw Abe walking okay for the first time in weeks. He and Aristotle were walking towards the horse pasture where they pulled many shenanigans over the years. I thought to myself, "Man, it looks like Abe is breaking the news to Aristotle like he just broke it to me."<br />
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And later that night, our Aristotle didn't eat. Our Aristotle who would literally eat an entire bag of dog food if we let him. Stopped. eating. I told Zach I thought he was sad, you know, because Abe just told Aristotle he was done fighting.<br />
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But then when I was in Chicago Saturday Zach told me Aristotle wasn't walking right. He still wasn't eating.<br />
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I told myself even if he had whatever the hell Abe had we caught it earlier and would be able to treat it. Or maybe he was just sad.<br />
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And then Sunday morning Zach let Aristotle out before church. That afternoon he still hadn't come home. Hours of us searching camp for him proved unfruitful. It was going to get cold that night.<br />
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I knew. I knew he walked off. I could just tell. He was always the dog that looked out for the family, he would never want to be the reason for our sadness. Never.<br />
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Sunday night was the. worst. night. The kids said good bye to Abe. It was heart breaking. I can't even write about that. Maybe some day but not today.<br />
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Monday morning I dropped the kids off at the bus stop and then drove around looking for Aristotle. It was a ridiculously beautiful morning. One of those mornings that Aristotle and Abe would've spent chasing deer and other woodland creatures.<br />
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I told Zach I just needed to get it over with. I couldn't watch Abe like that anymore. He could no longer walk and he couldn't/didn't need to pee. It was time. So we took him to the vet, we kissed and petted him until he was gone. Shit that was hard. But there was closure, you know? Why do we need that so badly? I don't know but it was done. He was gone. </div>
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A few hours later we were coming home from my sister's house (what the hell would I do without my family and their terrific distraction and love? I don't even want to know) when Zach called. Aristotle had been found. "Prepare yourself, honey, he looks like Abe did. It's not good."</div>
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I was just so thankful he was found. Remember that closure thing? He was hiding under a cabin. The cabin was directly across from our house. </div>
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When I got home Zach had him in our shower to warm him up/wash him off. The kids gave him a kiss. For the next 20 minutes we were on the phone with 3 different vets. I was about to spend a lot of money that we don't have to save him. Anything, I told Zach, so that I didn't have to lose another beloved dog that day. </div>
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He sat up, looked at us, laid back down and was gone. </div>
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Best buds. Brothers. As poetic as it was/is it shattered my damn heart.</div>
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Abe was hilarious. A gentle giant. Always kind of a mama's boy. He loved to "dance" with whoever would offer it. He constantly creeped onto couches. He was a lap dog born in the wrong sized body, was all. My mom once spent the night and tried sleeping on Abe's couch. She said she woke up to him staring at her. What the hell was this mere human doing on his couch? It was not surprising that he spent his last days curled up on the couch with constant attention and love poured out upon him. </div>
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Aristotle was the lover of all, but the fiercest protector. The one time I saw him aggressive was when a guy coming to clean our carpets approached the house. Aristotle bared his teeth and growled, backing the man into his van. As soon as I saw the guy I too got the heebie jeebies. Aristotle knew, and he wasn't going to let that guy near us. I never once felt scared living out here when Aristotle was around. He was always the dog that came and laid his head on my lap when I was sick or sad. When Zach was gone he would follow me everywhere. To every room, every bathroom break. Watching. Always. If Zach was there he trusted I was safe and relaxed, going off on his trips around camp, in any pool of water he could find. It was no surprise to us that he let Abe have the attention his last few days. It surprised no one who knew him that he walked off to die. And certainly came as no shock to hear he made his hopeful last stop at a place where he could still keep his eye on us. Under a cabin. 50 feet from our doorstep. </div>
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Here's the deal. If you aren't a dog lover, this probably sounds a little crazy. But if you've ever loved an animal then you know what I'm saying is true. I knew everything about them. All their little ticks and quirks. And I loved them with a fierce mama love. </div>
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And they're gone. </div>
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It's a little unreal.</div>
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And so today I thought about loss and love. About how right now love is kind of associated with loss. And pain and hurt. So I turned away my best friends and family because sometimes there aren't any words and sometimes it hurts worse to talk to other people you love when you just lost something you love because you know it'll all end this way. And normally that's ok but not today. </div>
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Today nothing is really ok and so you wake up, still groggy, waiting expectantly to hear the sounds of tails wagging and tongues licking and get none of that. It's too quiet. </div>
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Later you'll try to wash towels but then you realize they smell like loss and so you throw them in the washer and leave to go lay back on the couch where escaping into the TV is too tempting to ignore. </div>
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And then your kids will come home from school and ask if they can go visit Abe and Aristotle. You say yes. Because you know the two who asked have seen death in an even worse way and have come out the other side and so, of course, yes go talk to our beloved dogs. Especially because their daddy made a beautiful tribute to them at their burial site. </div>
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And then you'll realize why one of those boys specifically has been so hesitant at times to welcome the love you've poured into him. Because love. fucking. hurts sometimes. And if he's known that since he was 3 then maybe he's onto something you're just getting around to realizing. </div>
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Maybe the loss of these two most adored pets is another way God is showing you that even though we haven't all traveled the same paths to get where we are, we can still relate to each other in our shared struggles. Our shared loss and our shared joy. </div>
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And so when those kids return from their walkabout you will look them in the eye and tell them you love them. Knowing that there will be days that love for them (and theirs for you) will fucking rip. your. heart. out. But you'll get up and do it again the next day because sometimes love. will. save. you. </div>
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I got a tattoo recently that says "Expecto Patronum". It's from Harry Potter. It's a spell that keeps Death Eaters away. In order to escape the kiss of death you need only think of your happiest thought. Light overcomes dark. Joy overcomes sadness. </div>
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I keep looking at that tattoo today and am left with the image of two big dogs chasing rabbits as 5 kids play a game of baseball around them. A mom and dad drinking coffee on the porch, hands entwined. </div>
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<i>Expecto Patronum</i></div>
hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-66376155194175838242012-09-07T11:43:00.000-07:002012-09-07T11:43:32.498-07:00Binyam is 6!!Our favorite "baby" of the family had his birthday August 31st. Because his is the last birthday of all the kids I will admit it often feels a little like an afterthought. I'm pretty sure on the 30th I turned to Zach and said, "Did you realize it's Bean's birthday tomorrow? What should we do about that?" And after 4 other birthday parties for the year I'm basically too tired to even feel guilty. Thankfully Bean is, bar none, the most easy going with those kinds of things so he didn't hold a grudge.<br />
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School had started so by the time I picked up donuts and Zach and I started descending the stairs singing "Happy birthday" the kids were in full hurry-get-ready-for-school mode. Except Bean. That precious boy knew it was his birthday and knew we would "wake"him up. So in his bed he stayed, for probably 10 minutes, while his siblings rushed around to get ready for school. Love him for that.<br />
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Donuts. Of course he wanted donuts. Binyam doesn't eat much of anything throughout the day unless it involves sugar and/or chocolate and, preferably, both sugar AND chocolate.<br />
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Binyam wanted cupcakes for his school snack. There's an awesome local cupcake shop a mile from his school that I knew would do it up right for this special guy. When we got to school I was thrilled to hear he had asked his teacher and classmates to call him "Bean". It's what we call him and he definitely sees it as a term of endearment. Made my heart smile knowing he already felt loved enough in Kindergarten to deem that nickname appropriate. Pictured here with his "crown" chair.<br />
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His teacher came up to us at Kindergarten round up and said, "I am crossing my fingers I get Binyam in my class. He is so amazing." It was then that I decided I'd cross mine too. Anyone who sees the goodness in this boy immediately is someone that I can trust with his precious heart. Here Bean's teacher gives him 6 birthday high fives.<br />
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Binyam is so like me in that we know love when it shows up. All he wanted, always, for his birthday was a sleepover. And he was very specific about who he wanted. His cousins Oliver and Eli. His best friend, Maddox, and Maddox's big brother, Charlie. Because I love all of those boys with all that I am and I knew it'd be fun to get special time with them for me too, I was ridiculously excited for the sleepover. Zach and I made our homemade pizza, poured ourselves a glass of wine and then celebrated with abandon this life we are so blessed to come alongside.<br />
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Annnnd I'm already crying. I don't know what it is about Bean that makes me so overly emotional. I don't know if it's because he's my "baby" that makes me feel so fiercely protective of every part of his being or if it's because I've had the flu for the better part of this week (which explains the lack of punctuation and edited photos). Anyone who knows him will attest to the fact that they feel for him in exactly the same way.<br />
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Because he had a miserable start to life. If you can imagine the worst start to life, he had it. His birth member described Bean's pregnancy as "worst possible scenario". And then he came out with club feet and the world crumbled around him. But knowing him now I can tell you that he's made conscious decisions to not let any of that define him. I know that because he is light and love. Because he'll laugh, loudly, just because everyone around him is regardless of whether or not he knows why they're laughing. I know it because he rocks a bright red brace on his leg every day. He wears it so proudly and boldly no one has teased him about it. How could you tease something someone is so proud of?<br />
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I know it because I know him. I know him as the little boy who shuts down the minute he thinks someone is upset or frustrated with him. His big, precious lips form a pout and the only thing that will shake him from it, the only proven method is getting him to smile. You get him to smile? And he breaks. After that you can talk rationally about what's going on. He and I are good at this dance. We are down to just a few minutes of it. Because I get it, I get him.<br />
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And I freakin' love him like crazy. I wasn't there for his birth, I wasn't there for his first breath but darn it if I don't feel his life with every beat of my heart. I'm so thankful for that scary, wild day 6-years-ago. I'm so thankful I get to call him my son. I'm just so, so thankful for him.<br />
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Happy birthday my precious Bean.hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-67456539445047115012012-08-30T13:13:00.000-07:002012-08-30T13:13:50.346-07:00Is anybody alive out there?can anyone hear me?<br />
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10 points to who knows what movie that's from.<br />
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Anyway, hello again. It's me. I feel a little bit like I should reintroduce myself to you all.<br />
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In a lot of ways the last months away from the blog (and really a lot of social media in general) has been kind of liberating. I have noticed a difference in the amount of time I'm present with the family when I don't have internet access at home. It was really nice.<br />
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That said, I still don't have internet and now that the kids are at school during the day it'd be super if we had it. :)<br />
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Now I'm trying to figure out if it's best to just start from today or try to tell you all that's been going on since last we spoke. How about a few pictures from this summer to tide you over?<br />
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We got to go to the <a href="http://www.ethiopiankids.com/Mehaber/index.html">Mehaber</a>!!! Though we'd been before it had been 4 years so we were due. And there were just too many people going that I wanted to see for me to come up with any valid excuses.<br />
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<a href="http://www.afamilywithoutborders.blogspot.com/">Amanda</a> was so generous in letting my entire family (sans Zach, who can never make it what with a camp full of kids and all) move in.<br />
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If there is a girl around, Dailah will hone in on her and stalk her like prey. Sometimes I feel so sad for her that she has no one to make bracelets with. Samry was AMAZING at playing with Dailah and doing whatever she wanted.<br />
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We got to stop at Amanda's parents' house that happens to be beautiful and lakeside. The kids were in hog heaven there.<br />
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Love "catching" them when they aren't posing.<br />
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This was their faces watching Ethiopian musicians perform. Hilarious.<br />
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We ate delicious, delicious Ethiopian food! My kids were so incredibly happy.<br />
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We got to see people we traveled with too! Agiro and Twedros treated Tariku like their little brother in Ethiopia. It was so fun to see them all together again.<br />
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We also learned how to make injera (plug: you NEED that book! It's essential if you want any hope of successfully making injera. <a href="http://blueberrybuzz.wordpress.com/">This</a> amazing lady taught me that. I bet you can find out how to order the book there too? But look at Dailah's injera! It's in the shape of an Africa! Amazing!<br />
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Speaking of <a href="http://blueberrybuzz.wordpress.com/">her</a>, there she is in the green. And <a href="http://www.cathytalks.blogspot.com/">Cathy</a>. I've mentioned Cathy before. I'll mention her later too. Of course I go to the Mehaber to keep the kids in touch with their Ethiopian roots but seeing some of my favorite people is a really big motivator as well. I got to meet <a href="http://likethelove.blogspot.com/">Kim</a> too (no idea how no picture was taken, alas...). She is doing a ridiculously great job with those boys of hers. We needed more time!<br />
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It was hot. So. so. so. hot.<br />
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Those of you in the adoption world would be so jealous of the people I got to travel with when we picked up Tariku. We traveled with these guys too. <a href="http://immeasurableblessings.blogspot.com/">This</a> family is really just too beautiful.<br />
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My Bean<br />
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There was a station where women would write your names in Amharic. Fun.</div>
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Cathy was able to come over to Amanda's afterwards and bring her kids. We are soul sisters. Sometimes I feel like that's all that needs to be said. Also, she should move to the midwest, that should also be said.<br />
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When I went to Cathy's in Colorado I couldn't get over how much her oldest reminded me of my oldest. Some of my favorite moments in Colorado were when I was talking to Carver about life because I could imagine having the same conversations with Trysten in a few years. They met and, well, Trysten is still talking about him.<br />
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Amanda. She took on 5 kids and this hair. Come on, she's amazing.<br />
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We stayed up way too late every night. I think this picture of Dailah was at about 10:00pm. She was delirious and hungry.<br />
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The crew. Tariku and Teshome (right next to Tariku) were besties in Ethiopia. Every time I think of their relationship I get tears in my eyes. It is a priceless, priceless thing for him.<br />
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This was everyone (but me) for almost the entire 6 hours home. We were exhausted.<br />
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This is my favorite picture I've taken of my favorite people I took all summer (maybe thus far all year?)</div>
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The big 3 went to resident camp again this year. Trysten was in his own cabin away from his brothers for the first time. I can't tell you how good it was for him to just be Trysten and not be the oldest brother. But ugh, it was rough on me this year.<br />
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And these two? Had so much fun. Tariku still struggled with re-entry (more on that later) but otherwise they just can't wait until next summer.<br />
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Their counselors...Nacho, you've heard me talk about him (far right) is the best at what he does, there really is no comparison. And this year they got Optimus too who was just as attentive and wonderful.<br />
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Trysten was with 2 British guys, which is exactly where a Harry Potter-lovin' guy like himself wants to be (he's just like his mom, amiright?) But seriously, they were everything I could want in counselors for my boy.<br />
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Those were the pictures I had ready on my computer. Nevermind that they are a few months old.<br />
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But I figured out a way to blog more so you'll hear more from me. I promise. Off to read the blogs I've missed since my absence. Love and hugs.<br />
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<br />hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-56722786449286535082012-07-27T11:18:00.001-07:002012-07-27T11:18:28.387-07:00to blog?you need internet. We currently do not have that in our home. So I will be back, when this great nation of ours can figure out how to get internet to our home without us paying hundreds of dollars a month.<br />
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Or until I spend some QT at my sister's house and can steal from her wifi.hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-23495333774109353532012-07-14T06:14:00.000-07:002012-07-14T06:15:18.341-07:00Mehaber boundThe kids and I (Zach's too busy during the summer to come with on our many excursions) packed up Thursday morning for the 6 hour drive to Minnesota. Our main reasoning for this trip is the <a href="http://www.ethiopiankids.com/Mehaber/">Ethiopian Mehaber </a>that will be later today. But as an added perk we get to stay/hang out with Tariku's best friend from the orphanage (Teshome) as well as many other awesome people we've met throughout this adoption journey.
Last night as we were hanging with <a href="http://cathytalks.blogspot.com">Cathy's</a> family, <a href="http://chillyethiopian.blogspot.com">Tony's</a> family and, of course, <a href="http://http://afamilywithoutborders.blogspot.com/">Teshome's family</a>. I was reminded again how blessed I have been by this whole adoption experience. Obviously I've gotten 3 amazing babes to pour love into, but I also got so many things I wasn't expecting. Finding other women/families who love me, encourage me, challenge me and help me has been one of the purest blessings of my life.
The house is asleep but for me. I've made myself a few cups of coffee (they are not coffee drinkers in this house, the horror!) and am catching up on some social media. I'm thinking about the people I get to meet/see today and the moments we'll get to celebrate the culture of Ethiopia and I'm positively beside myself with anticipation.
My next post, I'm sure, will feature an obscene amount of pictures but until then I'm off to read a bit before the house awakes.
Love,
Thotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-69197165062038007132012-07-09T12:15:00.003-07:002012-07-09T12:16:01.681-07:00New ChapterSo I mentioned in <a href="http://www.hotflawedmama.blogspot.com/2012/07/yall.html">this</a> post that we had a secret to share.<br />
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Sarah thought maybe it was my sister getting engaged, which is super exciting and I'll write on that later, but not it.<br />
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The news is that in a few weeks we will officially be licensed foster parents.<br />
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Yikes. I almost threw up just typing that.<br />
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To back up:<br />
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After we first adopted Tariku, Zach and I started talking about how foster care will happen for us one day. We always kind of thought we'd start it when the kids were older and then we'd be able to do some older children fostering.<br />
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But after about a year home with Tomas and Binyam we both realized we still had some room in our hearts for more children. So we thought we'd go to a foster care informational meeting and see what they had to say.<br />
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We left feeling like it was definitely doable and that now sounded like a good time. They said at the meeting that we'd start the 10 week classes in a few months and then go from there.<br />
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The next day we got a phone call, "Hey we saw on your sheet that you've adopted before so we were hoping you would start classes tomorrow."<br />
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The classes were every Tuesday for 3 hours each night, for 10 weeks straight. We needed babysitters and I needed a sub for one of my classes. Obviously without hesitation I responded<br />
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Sure!<br />
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And as is with most things like this, it ended up working itself out. Only one night did we have to leave early because Tariku fell off his skateboard and wanted to see a doctor (he was fine). Everything else fell into place.<br />
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The classes were long and sometimes really painfully boring. Because we had done so much education before our adoptions we knew a lot about what they were discussing.<br />
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We were disappointed to find they didn't do any attachment talk and very little education on privacy.<br />
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We were pleased to learn more about the birth family relationship and how it pertains to the foster family.<br />
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So in the end we will be dually licensed as foster and adoptive parents for a child 0-5yrs old. Any gender. If we are fostering a child who has parental rights terminated and they are a good fit for our family we will choose to proceed with an adoption. If not, we will do our best to love 'em while we got 'em.<br />
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If we get a placement and we can see that any of our kids are struggling in the least bit we will take time off from fostering and refocus as a family. With all things, our family is our priority and we are entering this new chapter with that in mind.<br />
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Of course I'm nervous and excited and want to throw up a little bit. Undoubtedly the thing I'm most nervous about is falling in love with a child/ren and then having to release them. After the classes, though, my mind has shifted and I feel better about that.<br />
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Because the thing of it is I really do believe Zach and I are good parents. I think God gives us all these places where our strengths can meet some of the world's greatest needs and this happens to be it for us. Parenting. We make mistakes, of course we do, but I think in some respects this is the thing I'm best at.<br />
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And so we go forward. Scared, excited, nervous, anxious, all of that. But we have each other, and our kids who are more excited than we are and we have a God who we really do believe is stringing this all together.<br />
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So for better or worse.<br />
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Onward.<br />
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<br />hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-36994097237160153742012-07-08T13:30:00.000-07:002012-07-08T13:30:43.827-07:00where we've been<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Binyam got fitted for a brand new foot brace. His left foot is as perfect as it's going to get, but the right one still has a kidney bean shape. Because of that his foot is often sore at the end of the day. The orthaped doc thought this brace should help the situation until his next surgery (when he's done growing, so we have awhile). </div>
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Family picture. Come on, love them so much.<br />
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Until last year my parents owned a house on a lake. It was awesome. It's been a little weird not having that to go to this summer but a few weeks ago they took the boat out on to another lake. Dailah hit her stride immediately.<br />
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Here's a little factoid about me, I was originally born in a town called Pleasantville. Seriously. And they have an amazing pizza place. Hadn't been for many years but I was able to take my kids there a few weeks back and it was just so cool. Something about those moments of full circle that I love.<br />
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Love going to my parents' house. Because they are so good about doting on my kids that I get to put my feet up and just revel in their joy without thinking about how many loads of laundry I'll have to do when they're done.<br />
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The kids and I headed to my parents house for a week of camps. The 4 boys had wrestling camp (which Trysten and Tariku loved, the other two felt "eh" about it).<br />
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That same week we also took the kids to an old school ice cream shoppe. Felt like we were going back 50 years (in a good way). Delicious soft serve ice cream. Tomas hates ice cream so he got a slushie instead which insisted was the best ever.<br />
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The same week of wrestling camp was art camp. These 4 got to participate in that. It was really, really cool.<br />
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Dailah made this self portrait.<br />
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Tomas's (if you look closely you'll see he made himself into a hot air balloon with his head being the balloon. Love it.<br />
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Trysten chose to make a comic strip instead. It's pretty rad.<br />
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And because Trysten chose it, so did Tariku. Another rad comic strip.<br />
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We got to dog sit one of my friends' dogs. It was a small dog. We are used to only big dogs. She was really cute, especially when we decided to put her in a costume.<br />
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Lots of baseball games. Abe came with us to the last one, which he loved. (Pic by Dailah)<br />
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The kids' team. They didn't have a real winning season but they learned a lot and had such good kids/coaches. Couldn't ask for anything more.<br />
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The boys with 2 of their coaches (dad and grandpa).<br />
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While the kids were at camp (more on that later) I got to have long lunches with friends. I am so, so blessed by these relationships.<br />
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The hubby of my friend Chrissy got promoted to Lt that week so we went to a party store and decorated the crap out of their house. Totally fun.<br />
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Oh, did I leave a cliffhanger last time? Ok, I promise next blog. :)<br />
<br />hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-12016749133101900542012-07-05T17:12:00.000-07:002012-07-05T17:34:32.604-07:00y'alllife is good.<br />
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My sister said to me the other day, "So...you just gonna blog once a month now or what?"<br />
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It's never my intention, obviously, I love this little space. Where I get to write about whatever I want and connect in whatever small way I do with all of you.<br />
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But life has been good. It's been busy. Not in the way that we're 400 places in a day or constantly on the move but in the, "I haven't taken a hike and caught helpless frogs for a couple hours, let's go do that" kind of way.<br />
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Which is definitely my favorite kind of way to be "busy".<br />
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The 3 bigs are currently playing Monopoly, Dailah and Bean are playing Barbies and cars respectively and I'm watching with a quiet grin. Thinking about how much I wanted to share all this with someone, with you.<br />
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I was thinking today on the way back home from Des Moines about all of the growth people see in their lifetime. I was comparing myself 10 years ago, 5 years ago, even 2 years ago to myself now and I couldn't believe how different I am now. I remembered how I thought I knew everything then, that I had it figured out and how now I feel like I'm barely scratching the surface of all I want to know. I have days where I don't want to go to bed because I want to stay up learning, and living and loving. Are there enough moments in the day for all of that? Sometimes it feels like there most definitely aren't.<br />
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I was thinking about how I have some amazing friends in my life. I used to be one who just wanted the most amount of friends. Not so I could look around and say, "Wow, look at how awesome I am with all of these friends" but rather so that I could tell each one a little something but never have just 1 that knew everything about me. It felt safer that way. But I do now. I have friends who know everything about me and holy sh*t they still love me, that's a pretty amazing. I'm sure you all figured this out before me, but life is much fuller when you have these kinds of relationships.<br />
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Of all my sweet babies Tariku still struggles the most. More on this later but I think constantly about him and how much I wish things were different for him. That I wish brokenness and poverty and suffering weren't part of the picture for anyone in the world.<br />
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I'm reading a book called, "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, How we can learn to fulfill our potential". Long title, interesting read so far. Now, I don't care much about "success" or not the general definition we Americans usually refer to it by but this book interests me a lot because it talks about a fixed mindset compared to a growth mindset. It's got me thinking about what we tell ourselves. The lies and truths about who we are, who we think we are and who we talk ourselves into being. We start young, if my kids are any indication, and various people throughout our lives can affect the way we see all of that. It's made me even more aware of the power of words, how a subtle difference between "wow, you're really good at that!" or "my goodness, you worked really hard at that!" can change the way we view success. Good stuff. Still have some unpacking to do with that.<br />
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My hair: have some really good thoughts on my hair. It's all feminist rant right now so I'll save that for when I have a slightly clearer head. ;)<br />
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Next weekend we are Mehaber bound. Very excited to see some good friends and sad to hear some aren't able to make it. Let me know if you'll be there and we'll figure out a way to meet!<br />
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Exciting news coming. More on that later too. :)<br />
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<br />hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-27387536872185260792012-06-13T13:36:00.000-07:002012-06-13T13:36:25.188-07:00iPhone Photo DumpI miss blogging, I do. But we are still caught up in the excitement of spending as much time together as we can possibly can (and sometimes more than we can possibly want!) so for now you get only pictures. <div>
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Zach has some really awesome style. His fashion sense has always far surpassed mine, which I appreciate most of the time (one recent shopping incident, however, found me trying on a pair of neon orange leggings and oversized equally neon tank top. Fail) but especially when he buys sunglasses...in the women's department. Because we get to share. </div>
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My sister and her boyfriend recently brought home this ridiculously cute puppy, Tucker. My niece Adley Sue loves him. I love them both too much. My bro and sis-in-law are moving my niece back to Des Moines soon. I am crying right now just thinking about it. No idea what I'll do when I can't stop by all the time to see her.<br />
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Mother's day was awesome. My kids are amazing, my husband spoils me. I am so, so lucky to be their mom.<br />
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A few days before school ended I sprung Trysten out early and took him to The Hunger Games. He had finished the book and was able to tell me all about it and even got a connection between THG and war, etc. Loved every second of that.<br />
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This summer I've started doing yoga with the kids. I couldn't believe how they all just went right into it without goofing around or giggling or farting for a full 45 minutes. The last 10 minutes of meditation they were all still and silent. They beg me for it everyday. Love that.<br />
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Last day of preschool, Kindergarten, 1st, 2nd and 3rd grade. Can't believe it myself.<br />
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We started our garden later than last year. Doesn't matter, I'm still so excited about all of the fresh produce that will be ours shortly.<br />
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My brother is now far enough along in his chiropractic studies to adjust the family. Kind of cool to see him work it all out. Pretty surreal as well.<br />
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Baseball. Story of our summer. Boys playing LOTS but also we've gotten to go to our beautiful Single A? stadium a few times as well. Can you believe how beautiful that view is from the stadium?<br />
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Went to a Chinese restaurant and the kids got these fortunes. It is eery how well it describes them (in order of age). Crazeballs.<br />
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At a baseball game Dailah asked to snuggle up to take a nap. Despite how much it freaks me out that she's so big, I can't get enough of how much I love this when my kids do this.<br />
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He's going to Kindergarten. This was his round up. I can't talk about it.<br />
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Zach was a baseball pitcher. A good one. Played in college and all that. I got to see him pitch a few times and was nervous for him then. But nothing compares to when my sons pitch. Trysten really loves pitching, I love/hate watching him. Regardless of how good he is, the kid looks the part.<br />
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And then Tariku. So hard to watch. He's so competitive that if he throws a ball his whole body slumps. Ay yi yi. Regardless, his little booty and his afro make him the coolest looking kid on the field.<br />
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She borrowed my tank top, tied it in the back and made herself a dress. She gets that from her dad, as mentioned previously.<br />
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This would be Dailah and Binyam's lives lately. Let's watch baseball, again and again and again. They never complain mostly because they get slushies.<br />
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She loves chips. It is cute. The end.<br />
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I promise, more words later.<br />
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<br /></div>hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-88656575020130805632012-05-31T18:13:00.000-07:002012-05-31T18:13:28.686-07:00Summer breakya'll summer is here. And I love it.<br />
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I get to wake up leisurely and then shuffle to Dailah's room where, still groggy from waking up, she opens her arms and beckons me to snuggle. Minutes spent breathing in her wonderfulness and talking about what she's looking forward to that day. Leave her to dress herself and shuffle downstairs.<br />
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The boys wake up before the girl so as I come down the stairs I give a quick, "Good morning, Klipschs!" and hear 8 tiny feet running to swarm me with hugs. They tell me of their dreams and then run off to start their chores.<br />
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I make coffee and begin the breakfast buffet.<br />
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Minutes later I hear daddy and daughter coming down the stairs together. I pour my love his coffee and set the table for my babes.<br />
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We eat together sometimes, or I postpone my morning breakfast to eat with the man I love more than anyone else.<br />
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Kids brush teeth and run to play outside, Zach and I shuffle to the couches to enjoy another cup of coffee together.<br />
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It's all so wonderful, so relaxed. I know the kids sometimes miss their friends from school but for me, I hit summer and never look back. It's everything to me having us all together for unrushed time in the morning (and sometimes all day).<br />
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So if you need me I'll be here, soaking in every minute, thankful I have them with these people in this spot.hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17456552.post-91943833224580814372012-05-30T08:19:00.000-07:002012-05-30T08:19:20.082-07:00Dancing QueenA few weekends ago Dailah had her dance recital. She'd been super excited (and nervous) about it for a month leading up to it always asking when it was. It (and by that I mean "she") did not disappoint.<div>
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It's no secret that Dailah holds a special place in all our hearts as the only girl in the family. The brothers dote on her, make wonderful exclamations when she steps out in a new outfit, "You are beautiful!" As for Zach and myself, we admit to shamelessly doting as well. It's hard not to when some days she's the only one that smells good and hasn't tried tackling me all day. </div>
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So when we got a few minutes to celebrate her very girl-ness, we jumped at the chance. She was beautiful, and precious and perfect. </div>
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I mean, seriously.</div>
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She had so many people come to support her we took up 2 rows. Her village is rather amazing. Here with the Dawson contingency. </div>
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Just 'cuz I can't help it. <br />
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With her flowers we bought her. But would you be able to help yourself? <br />
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My babes in all their long haired glory.<br />
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With my niece Adley who LOVED the whole show, pretty remarkable for a 1 1/2-year-old!<br />
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Jealous of her, don't mind saying it.<br />
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Klipsch contingency (with Aunt Kait just home from Japan!)<br />
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Can you feel all of the doting? Yeah.<br />
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<br /></div>hotflawedmamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04457871832437767637noreply@blogger.com1