I'm Exhaustapated

The title (in case you were interested) comes from one of my cousins when he was about 5-years-old (he's now 16, jeesch). Anyway, my other cousin and I were playing with him, having him run around, etc. He finally stops, fed up with us ordering around and states, "I'm exhaustapated". Well, I feel like my dear cousin Wardie Paul today.

Firstly, don't get excited about tomorrow. The contractors said they couldn't start until Tuesday...and so it begins. Anyhow, we moved more stuff downstairs. I'm going to take some pictures so you can see how ridiculous the house looks right now. Mostly because of how much stuff we have crammed into such tight quarters. All signs point to having to move our other set of couches up to Zach's office because it just won't fit.

It was kind of a wake up call, if I must say. Today's message at church was "where your stuff is, there too is your heart" in a nutshell. Well, it appears our hearts have been in stuff for quite some time the way we've hoarded it. When I was in the corporate world I'd constantly complain that I never had anything to wear. Today I was putting my dress clothes in bins so I could make room in Dailah's closet for the stuff I wear on a daily basis. I filled 2 HUGE bins. I looked up at the closet and it's literally exploding with clothes, not to mention I have 2 other HUGE bins filled with workout clothes and sweaters. Wowsa. My mind hurts, my heart hurts and my fingers hurt.

Regardless of what I've learned today it's ended on a positive...we moved both kids into the same room so we could have a room to ourselves. Right now I hear them giggling themselves to sleep. Music to my exhaustapated ears.

A Good Saturday

We worked out today, Zach came to my PUMP class, he's so supportive I could squeeze him. When we got home we all got 2 hour naps, classic and amazing. Moved some stuff from upstairs to downstairs. Then pretty much just relaxed. I can't remember the last time I felt so relaxed. It's been -15 degrees outside so we thought today would be a good day to be hermits. Now I'm researching what my next tattoo will be. I have an idea, but am wanting to just look at my options. I'm sure this news will be met with equal parts sadness and disappointment to my uncle Vic. :)

Tomorrow will be our second Sunday meeting with the adoption group at church. Jody and I are excited and surprised by the amount of people at our church who are either going through or interested in adoption/foster care. I am selfishly hoping more will see how absolutely gratifying adoption can be. Did I mention I love Tariku so much my heart hurts? What does it say about me that I want everyone in the world to feel this jumble of emotions that is adoption? I guess it all comes down to the amazingness that is motherhood. The ups and downs..wouldn't trade it for a thing in this world.

In Perfect Harmony

Hubby is home, Trysten is watching cartoons (pardon us, mommy and daddy needed a little catch up time), Dailah is sleeping, the computer is back in my arms. Things are as they should be...with the obvious exception of Tariku. He is not where he should be right now and that makes me more and more sad each day.

Just a few days and the house destruction will commence. This morning one of the Camp's staff rang our door bell, knocked on the door and 2 seconds later (I didn't have enough time to hop off the couch and answer the door that is about 15 feet away) he just walks right in with three other guys. Did I mention I'm excited to have this place a "home" rather than just another camp building?

Nothing insightful today, just had to make a note of how I took a deep breath today, let my shoulders relax and knew it was okay. Zach is back and Tariku will be soon.

My Love/Hate Relationship With Target

The last two days have been R-O-U-G-H for me with regards to waiting for Tariku. It doesn't help that Zach is not with me, it doesn't help that I looked at 3-year-old clothes and pictured his face in them. But most of all, it doesn't help that people on the forum who received their referrals on 12/28 (ours was 11/12) have a court date of 2/5 and ours is 2/7. I realize this is 2 days. I realize when Tariku is home those minute details become moot points but they are BIG points to me today. They are BIG points to me because those 2 days could mean they sneak in a week early and pick up their kids before us. It's hitting me today because my parents and my sister-in-law, the people who we're hoping to watch the kids while we're in ET are both going to be gone March 20 for at least one week. This puts us in a time crunch to get there beforehand. Oh, the hills and valleys of adoption. A hill that comes with all of this is one of my friends from the forum received a court date of 2/5 so theoretically we could travel together which would make me happier than Trysten when he farts (which he just did, so it came to mind easier, sorry Leslie). But other than that hill, it's been all valleys the last couple of days.

Which brings me to Target. I'm not sure how they do it, but they seem to entice me whenever I'm in one of these moods. Then, when I get inside and we have our popcorn/pop combo, I find myself lingering WAY too long after completing my list. So today I came out MUCH poorer than I should have. I came out with some clothes for Dailah (of course, when there's the cutest girls stuff for $4 I dare you to not buy it). But I also came out with 2 matching outfits for Trysten and Tariku. What the heck am I supposed to do? My baby is half a world away and I'm thinking about him constantly. So I hate Target because they make me poor, poor, poor, poor, poor but I love Target because they are going to enable me to have cute matching boys once the one comes home.

Speaking of Tariku, we finally sent his package. Woohoo! It contained a blanket we had slept with for approximately 2 months (it now smells nicely of Zach's armpit and camp...sweeeet) a photo album with pictures of the family, Amharic descriptions (or as best as I could do, they're similar to Chinese letters and it turns out I'm not so good at any of it) and a recorder with our voices. We recorded 10 things that went as follows.

1) Zach's introduction (I teared up)
2) My introduction (I choked up)
3) Trysten's introduction (I cried)
4) Dailah's babbling (I laughed)
5) Us singing "Jesus Loves Me" (I did okay, they apparently sing this in English at the care center)
6) Zach playing "God Blessed the Broken Road" on his guitar and sang it (I cried, kind of fitting and my husband is too good to be true)
7) Me singing a song I wrote to put the kids to sleep (I cried but that was mostly during playback when I heard how ungodly my voice really is)
8) Trysten telling a story about Tariku sleeping in his room, Power Rangers, etc (I cried, of course)
9) Us praying (I teared up)
10) Can't remember but I'm sure it made me cry.

All this to say God gave me a lot of things but He did not give me patience, or the ability to turn down good deals at Target.

You're My Boardwalk

I had one of the most fun last couple days with Zach. I don't know why, but we were just really having lots of fun, being all lovey, etc. We were THAT couple that makes every other couple green with envy and I must admit it felt great. (In total honesty, we're kinda that couple all the time, but what can you do?) Anyhow, we were talking about how we were going to miss each other this week. He says, "Hons, you are such hot property" (by the way, remember I am a feminist, so he said this in the most adoring way)"You're like my Boardwalk, actually you're my Boardwalk AND Park Place." Believe me, it was precious. I've said before how I think he's the funniest man in the world, so it was absolute classic Zach for him to describe his love for me in terms of the board game Monopoly. Reason #15,000,000 why I love the guy.

Big Things

Today has been a productive day. We have started moving everything from upstairs to the basement because THE CONTRACTORS ARE STARTING ONE WEEK FROM TOMORROW!!!!! You read that correctly, come hell or high water, they claim they will be starting on the house. We've done the math and they should be done just in time for Tariku to come home.

It hit me as we were moving HEAVY stuff, it's really happening. Not just the house, though I couldn't be happier about that. But the fact that the house is beginning means we are on the backstretch to bringing Tariku home. I love the metaphor of the house becoming complete and our family doing so as well.

We're heading to my parent's house this week to hang with them a bit and pick up Tariku's clothes from their storage. It will be a nice time seeing them!

Here's to a wonderful last week in the house as is!!!

On Brothers

Lately when I look at Trysten, I see a lot of my brother. Those who have been on this blog journey with me for awhile know I have always been overprotective of my brother. When we were younger we were BFF. We would team up on my sister (sorry Kbear) and just hang out, have some fun. But I was always overprotective of him and still am, probably to a fault seeings he is 21 and perfectly capable of taking care of himself.

But lately I get those movie-style flashes when Trysten says something or makes a face, it reminds me so much of Marcus. When Marcus was 5, I was 9, so I think the ages are lining up when my memory is readily available. Perhaps that's why for the most part I can't get enough of this stage with Trysten, he reminds me so much of Marcus.

This picture is one of those times, it's the smirk or something about him, can't put my finger on it but it's there nonetheless. Proud to be a sister to my brother and a mom to my son.

I Think I Know

I think I know what Heaven feels like. I think it's something like rocking your 18-month-old to sleep when she has a bit of a cough. At first she's still coughing and then you slowly feel her relax a bit, her breathing becomes heavier and then you feel her melt into your chest. I'm fairly certain it has to feel something like that. God probably lets us feel it in times like those because it's easier to be thinking of everything you have to do rather than focus on the task at hand. But perhaps He allows us to get a glimpse of it when we slow down and enjoy an extremely active toddler melting into her mommy's arms. If Heaven feels even 1/10 as good as that felt last night, I'm truly excited for eternity.

Eccentric

I've mentioned before how much I love my husband because he is different than any man I've known. So he started reading this book by Elizabeth Gilbert (author of "Eat, Pray, Love) called "The Last American Man". It's basically about a dude who lives in the woods and eats what he kills, wears what he kills, etc. Well he became what one might call "obsessed" with the book. He now wants to name our son after the guy. I also just logged onto my amazon account and noticed he recently purchased 4 (read that, 4, they were small and cheap but still 4) books on the wilderness and loving nature and deadly/edible plants. The guy is crazy.

I must admit I read that order and just smiled. One of those smiles you get when you're first dating. Like you have a secret the whole world doesn't know but should. I guess my secret today is that I love Zachary regardless of his poor taste in literature.

I'm also smiling because I've had a REALLY fun day with the kids. Dailah has been saying her favorite word, Julio, and saying it over and over because she knows I can't help but love her more when she says it. Trysten has been singing and telling good stories, making me tear up, the usual.

Oh, and I'm smiling because I just finished off another batch of cookie dough. YUMMMMM!!

Book Clubs Are Rad

Just got back from my book club. It was great. Great discussion on the book, Barbara Kingsolver's, "The Poisonwood Bible". Great discussion about life and great women. Oh, and great food prepared by Kristen Sigler and invented by the fabulous Paula Dean.

I'm amazed how a little time with amazing women can really wake me up. It's like that first cup of coffee in the morning when you didn't realize your eyes were only halfway open until they are fully alert after the steaming cup of goodness. It's like that but way better. I've experienced that twice in two days and I'm starting to feel a little spoiled, I'm not going to lie.

God is a funny guy. Does anyone think it's a coincidence that 3 of the 6 women at book club tonight were adopting (me=Ethiopia, another=Korea, another=domestic)? I don't think so. Especially since I didn't have a hand, unfortunately, in bringing either of them there in the first place (unfortunately because I wish I was responsible for bringing their greatness in the "club"). God, I love you. Thank you for that.

I was never really part of a club growing up. Sure, my mom made me join French Club and things but that was really only for my college resume (we don't have to lie to ourselves anymore mom). My sister-in-law, Kait, started a few clubs with her friends before; though, the way she tells it my favorite husband used to interrupt and throw things at her and her friends, jerk. Anyhow, I never really did that. It feels good starting a club at my youthful age. Especially one that is based on hearing great thoughts on great works of literature. Can this world really handle so many intelligent, beautiful women? I'm not so sure.

2 Things

So my eldest brother-in-law likes to preface things he's going to say by saying, "Two things". So I wanted to start this off Frankie style just cuz I love him so much.

1) Trysten is probably the best almost 5-year-old I know. I am more and more proud of him every day. I look at him and truly believe God put the best of Zach and the best of me and made him. Truly remarkable. Speaking of remarkable, his hair is amazing.

2) I love living out at camp. Sunday Zach and Trysten went on a hike through camp for a couple hours. They came back muddy, happy and toting a deer antler. Scary but pretty cool.

Biggest Loser time. Happy Tuesday!

I Heart Cookie Dough

So I'm fairly convinced my body (i.e. hormones) believes that my love for Tariku=a pregnancy. There is no other explanation how I can consume the large amounts of cookie dough that I do on a regular basis now without feeling even the slightest bit of remorse. The best part about not actually being pregnant is I get to team it up with a bit of wine. :) I know, I'm amazing.

I'm wondering how it is that I love this child so much even though I haven't met him. Sunday at church a guy from a company who does work in Liberia was there to talk about the partnership our church is doing with his company. There is an option to sponsor a child (which we did, he is 8 and his name is Emmanuel and is absolutely adorable! I had to pick him, he had the same birthday as Tariku!) Anyhow, we have a big Liberian population at our church and during this man's talk one of them stood up to talk about the situation in Liberia/Africa. At one point he was saying, in his thick Liberian accent, "America please help Africa", "If it continues as it does I pray that Jesus's coming comes soon to save Africans from their present day reality". Yikes. Those that know me, know I'm a crier. So I did fairly well when he was saying this, got the lump in the throat. Couldn't talk, that kind of thing, but was able to stave off any actual condensation to hit the tear ducts.

Then they asked him to pray. Crap. I looked at my friend, Jody (adopting from Sierra Leone, a country bordering Liberia) and whispered, "Please don't let the African talk!" His prayer was passionate, amazing and awesome. I cried. I blubbered. There wasn't just tears running down, it was a full fledged snotty cry. When we were leaving I was wiping my nose on anything I could find. Jody and I ran into Zach on the way out and Jody says, "She lost it". I did, I'm not afraid to admit it.

I've decided there is no reason I should be around any Africans until Tariku comes home. A person with my affinity for cookie dough and amazing capability of crying on a dime should not put my body through such things. I might have to take a sabbatical.

On a lighter and awesomer note, American Gladiator is back and I couldn't be happier. I'm seriously considering trying out for next season (should they have a 2nd season). I just need to get three things beforehand: 1) fake boobs (yeah right, not going to happen) 2) balls (I'm scared of those women!) 3) teardrop shoulders. I figure it would take 1 year (and $15,000 should I seriously consider #1) to get those things.

Also got the official word that we (by we, I mean our contractor) can start on the house. How excited am I? Um, there are no words. Let's just say if I was told that by an African, I would still be blubbering.

Court Date!

Our ET coordinator, Jan (yes, a Saturday, yes I love her), called about an hour ago..we have a court date!!!!! February 7th we will *hopefully* hear, "He's yours!"

That is still a month away, obviously. But it gives me a date, right? Now I won't be attaching the phone to my ear so as not to miss the call. This is a good call!

What's next? If all goes well February 7th (I'm not entertaining the idea that it wouldn't) we would get Tariku's official birth certificate 1-2 weeks later (by the way, they will write his name as Tariku Zachary Edward Klipsch, which I think is hilarious) and then 3-4 weeks after that we travel!!! So obviously the earliest we travel is March 6th, but I'm counting on March 13ish. We will see. Either way, Tariku's birthday is March 16th so we'll probably be over there celebrating!

We have lots to get done in the next 2 months and I can't wait to get started.

Glimpse

Firstly, found out tonight that Zach has to be out of town the week we're supposed to get fingerprints done. Setback #1.

Secondly, soo excited about successful court dates for my forum buddies. There was even a forum buddy who received their referral 11/15 (we got ours 11/12) and got through court yesterday. They will be traveling in about 5 weeks. This means ours should "theoretically" be just around the corner. There is no concrete evidence, however, seeings our homestudy was stalled out there for a few weeks.

Thirdly, this is a glimpse into our night just one hour ago:

We had just finished eating dinner, Zach was cleaning up and I was doing some laundry when I hear, "Tesi, a little help!"
I go running into the kitchen to find Zach lifting Dailah up from her booster seat, she has some substance on her pants.
Zach says, "She shit her pants."
I said, "That's shit?"
Zach, "Well it's either that or she got ahold of a chocolate milkshake and I didn't realize it."
Tesi, "My God, it smells like death, you know I'm not good at these kinds of things." (Editors note: My blog is called "flawed mom" because I'm just that, I hate all things that "run" out of children. If it's done when Zach isn't around it usually results in lots of crying--me-- and very little clean up. Thank heavens for hardcore husbands)
Zach, (still holding Dailah up by the armpits) "What should I do?"
Tesi, "Put her in the sink and we'll take her clothes off there."

So we put her in the sink, find out the poo has not only come out her pants, socks, shoes, etc, but also up her shirt. Zach says he heard the noise that usually accompanies a poo and thought nothing of it until he smelt the foulness. Anyhow, the connundrum was how do we get the shirt off without giving her a poo face? I tell him I'll start a shower and we can just put her in there fully clothed and let it all wash nicely down the drain.

So I'm getting the water lukewarmish and he's hanging with her. Then he says, "Help!" So I put down the showerhead (it's old school down there, like the one my grandma has in her house that comes of the nozzle to reach in places I don't want to think about) and run to help. He didn't listen to my logic of undressing in the shower and has her undressed with no poo face (I'm truly impressed) but it's time to get rid of the diaper. We decide to get a plastic bag, have her stand it in and just let gravity do it's dirty work.

All this is done and he takes her to the shower while I dispose of the nastiness. I hear, "Tesi!" Well that showerhead I had just plunked down was unfortunately facing OUTSIDE of the shower itself and I now had a nice Nile River plunging through my bathroom.

Alls well that ends well. It was not a good day for Dailah. She fell and hit her eye, resulting in a black eye. Fell and hit her head, resulting in a bump and crapped her pants, almost resulting in a poo face.

Moral of the story: I may have enough love to mother many, many children but I don't have near a rough enough stomach to deal with their vomit, poo or anything else disgusting.

Caucus Iowa

Never been more proud to be an Iowan than I am tonight. Great turnout for the caucuses. I love the fight in even the smallest of states.

The latest things I love about being a mom:
--Dailah makes this "yum, yum" sound when she gets hungry. She puts her tongue between her lips. Could be the cutest thing.
--Trysten likes holding his sister's hand. Whenever we go to walk somewhere, she puts out her hand towards him and he grabs it and off they go. When I'm working out, I can see them through some windows walking hand in hand to the kids gym.
--Trysten said the other day that he misses his brother. He says this a lot and is asking with more frequency how much longer it will take until he's home.
--When Dailah is really tired she actually leaps out of your arms to her crib when we get close.
--Tonight Trysten told me in the car that he was really tired tonight and just wanted to go straight to bed instead of getting his 2 minutes hanging out upstairs. Who does that?
--Tariku has touched lives in the most extraordinary ways. We haven't even met him yet!

Latest thing I love about being a wife:
--I'm married to the most ridiculously good-looking, smart, hilarious man.

Latest things I'm sad about:
--My sister-in-law, Kait, left today to go to Chile for 7 months. There are no words for how happy I am for her and there are no words for how selfishly sad I am that she's gone.
--Still no word on travel for Tariku.

Overall, my happy column far outweighs doesn't it? I am one lucky lady.

Dear House

Dear House,
I'm sure you're thinking this is a Dear John letter, if you are, you are right. I have something to say, house, and it seems you no longer hear me when I tell it to your face. So I hope this letter finds you more understanding and willing to negotiate.

House, I used to kind of think you were charming. When we first met, I laughed that you had urinals in one of your bathrooms. I smirked when doing laundry as it is necessary for me to turn it to "cold" if I'd like "hot" water and vice versa. I chuckled when I went to my sacred shower and instead of pure, clean water to wash my long locks with, you gave me chlorinated pool water (without the urine, thanks very much).

I looked on admirably as you let every rodent, crawly thing and disgusting smell come through your doors. No matter how many I killed, you continued to be a place of refuge for the smallest of God's creatures. I even forgave you for the most unsightly florescent lights I've seen since elementary school.

But I'm done with you, house. It's hard to even write that as I've always considered myself to be a person who loves people and things for who they are, irregardless of the "flaws" they might contain. But that is no longer true for you. I no longer think you're charming and I'm not sure the last time I smiled at anything dealing with you. (Keep in mind I am only referring to your "top half", I have no bones to pick with your "bottom half".) Tonight, Trysten found both a dead mouse (inside you) and a cat (outside next to you). Why do you do these things to me?

Today Zach had a meeting to talk with the professionals about what to do with you. He is pulling to get you fixed up right. It seems everyone else is pulling to keep you just as you are but Zach and I make quite the persuasive team. This will not be a long fight for you, house, and you will not win.

Alas, even though you house all things creepy and crawly you also house the 3 other people who are most important to me in this world. You keep us warm and sheltered from this Iowa winter and I am thankful for that. I can't hate you with a hot, hot, hatred because of that fact alone. But I am Dear Johning you and I hope you realize how serious I am about things.

With no love,
Tesi

BIG Day

Happy New Year's indeed! This morning I woke up to an update on Tariku again! This one was even more special. This one had a picture!!!!! His head is shaved since I saw him last (they do that to stave off any ringworm or lice substances) and it's an EXTREME close up but he really is so unbelievably precious! Ack I just want to hug and kiss on him until he can't stand it anymore.

It also talked more about his personality (very sociable) and his favorite toy (ball). Some of his "achievements" (climbs stairs switching feet, etc). It was so great hearing more about him. I picture him doing all of these things. I even tried to take a nap but images of him were dancing around in this head of mine.

On top of all of that, after one maybe two emails to the government, they wrote back and said our fingerprints are set for January 15 at 10am in Des Moines (we're coming mom and dad!). This all means after the fingerprints and the official word that we're deemed acceptable to bring Tariku into the states there will be NOTHING stopping us (side from the Ethiopian courts that is). We are literally so close I can taste it. The reality of him growing in the care center (he has learned quite a few things since being there, and appears to have learned a lot of Amharic/English) is hitting me less and less hard when we are so close.

Can't believe it's 2008 already. 2007 was an absolute amazing year. It's hard to believe we will be a family of 5 throughout most of 2008 and by 2009 having three kids will be as natural as it possibly can be. I'm excited for the uncomfortableness that the beginning of '08 will bring!

Oh yeah, and if you are an Iowan, get excited for some caucasing in a few days!!! Hard not to be proud to be an Iowan this time of the year during a Presidential race.

Happy New Years to all!

Randomness...Again

So on Thursday night when we went out with the Klipschs to celebrate Zach, and therefore my, youngest sister's 21st birthday an interesting discussion came up. The oldest brother has a friend whose child was born with Celebral Palsy (I think). I know the friend as well as the son but had never known the story of how it happened, etc. For those that don't know, I suffered a miscarriage a few years back. On Thursday that baby theoretically would've celebrated it's 2nd birthday. So the timing of it all was quite interesting. The story was told about the mother of this boy going into premature labor because she had turned septic with an infection. The baby was delivered at 23ish weeks and was diagnosed with CP some time afterwards. Anyhow, it really hit me that night for some reason. Perhaps it was the wine, it was definitely the timing...but I realized I had never thanked God for my miscarriage. It sounds strange even writing that. I don't doubt that boy's parents praise God for his life everyday, just as I would have had my baby been born. But I know God saved me from what could've potentially been a huge heartache by carrying that baby to term. I too was septic and, according to doctor testimonial, barely came through with my life. This is not to say I don't mourn every December 28th for the child that wasn't, but I am starting to realize the battles that child might have faced. God is truly something.

Tonight we celebrated my youngest nephew, Elihu's, 1st birthday. Good times. My sister-in-law's aunt adopted Steven (you got that?) from Ethiopia some 5 years ago. Steven was running around the house playing with Trysten and my nephew, Oliver. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Though he was older than Tariku and certainly wasn't Tariku, he was Ethiopian! I think he thought I was some sort of obsessed freak, and I kind of was. But really, can you blame me?

To end on a light note...one of the reasons I've always loved my husband is because of his passion. When he becomes passionate (it's borderline obsessive) about something he REALLY latches on. Tonight, it is the Rubik's cube. He started at Eli's birthday party (sorry, Eli) and hasn't stopped. It's been close to 4 hours. He's getting close, as close as you can I suppose. But it's really something to watch! Good thing his passion also goes into more productive things like being a phenomenal husband, father, and Camp Director otherwise we'd have quite the problem on our hands!

Uh-Oh

The nesting has commenced. I realize we have at the very least another 6 weeks left, but the nesting doesn't listen to reason. It appears the nesting wants Tariku here too.

Today I organized Trysten and Tariku's room, Dailah's room and the room we are using as storage until the house is completed. I realize Martha Stewart has a whole empire and all, but I'm fairly certain even she would be impressed. So today went to organizing and tomorrow scrubbing takes over.

This could be a loooong few months.

1 More Thing

I forgot to mention the AMAZING fact that my parents gave us a great gift (among great gifts) this Christmas. Money to fly Tariku home!!! Woohoo! It was a great surprise and that is one check I just can't wait to spend. Now on to clever ideas to get Zach and myself to and fro the beautiful land that is Ethiopia.

I just looked on our unofficial list for the CHSFS forum and found out that we're "theoretically" in the next group to hear of travel news. Seeings we got our referral before we were waiting I never actually became obsessed with "the list". Hearing of Tariku has changed all this and so much more. Ah new obsessions!