Wednesday, October 08, 2008

I Remember

A few days after we brought Tariku home when I kinda thought we made a mistake and kinda missed the way things were before; I put Tariku down for a nap and closed the door and for a second I wondered if maybe he'd be gone when I opened it.

(This is full disclosure and yes, it's messed up, but yes, it happens to almost every adoptive (or birth, to be honest) mom if they're being honest with themselves).

WIthout thinking about it, today I checked on him three times during nap. I didn't notice until the last time that apart of me wanted to make sure he was still there, that he's not just a dream. That I won't wake up and miss his laugh and his hugs. I wanted to watch him breath and smile in his sleep.

I think this is progress. I think...this is love.

5 comments:

Cindy said...

:)
I sure dreaded my morning for the first 4 weeks home...same reason. Now if I do not open my eyes to Mihiret next to me in bed I worry...6 months...what a change.
Thanks for the sweet post Tesi!

Jeanelle said...

Thank you, once again, for being so blunt, honest and true. Makes me feel like I can do the same. Maybe 6 months is the magic number for all of us. Can you believe it's been that long...?

rebekah said...

Yay. Totally get it.

ChiTown Girl said...

LOVE the new picture!!! And, as always, your gritty truth in your writing.

Did Trysten grow 4 inches since kdg. started?

cathy said...

Thanks for being honest. The first week Z was home (granted, he was so ill) I bawled every 5 minutes and thought for sure we had messed up our lives. Not because there was anything wrong with him--but it was just so grueling and different. Of course that didn't last, but it's honest. I love him so much now it hurts.