Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wrestle

Here's something I wrestle with some days more than others.

I used to be full time employed in a place outside the home. It was a good job. Good income, little expected of me, lots of free time. Was able to have lingering coffees with smart people (sometimes they included family) and lunches with people who didn't need various things cut up and multiple trips to the bathroom. When I was working full time, I often thought that the stay-at-home life looked fairly easy. I didn't think I was able to do it because I've always enjoyed some time away from the kids, on my own, but here I am.

It's a well kept secret that sometimes we stay-at-home moms (at least the ones that I talk to that are being honest with themselves/me) hate the fact that our husbands go to work every day. Sure, work is hard and stressful, I understand that. But when we bring home another baby/child, our husbands' daily lives change very little. They still get up in the morning, get ready for work, kisses, hugs and head to work. More pressure to bring home the bacon and be a great husband and dad, sure, but until 5-6ish, very little of that new child is felt.

Then there's us. Some moments it feels like another butt to wipe or book to read. Another little body making demands on this big body. Our work gets no coffee breaks without the constant threat of spilling on ourselves as a child whizzes by. We get no golf games with key players in the community. There are no lunches with family members or community members under the pretense of work.

I still get lunch and coffee requests from community members that I enjoyed bonding with in my time in the outside world. The email back always says something like, "I would LOVE to as long as it's before noon (nap times!) and somewhat kid friendly. Kid menus are optional but great, a place to let them loose next to us is necessary! No need to have extensive wine list, wine shalt not be consumed before bedtime."

All this said, I know the grass is greener on this side. I know because I've walked barefoot on both sides of the fence and I'm here to stay. I can't imagine my life better. But I SERIOUSLY look at my husband with hate in my eyes somedays because his day involves those aforementioned cups of coffee and brainstorm sessions that require more than kindergarten english.

So this goes out to all those other stay-at-home moms (and dads, hey, Patrick!) who have felt even a moment of this. Believe me, though our kids might not thank us today or tomorrow, one day they will be very thankful we threw in our cups of coffee for our fake tea sets!

And truly, with a family of mine, I am way...too...lucky to be able to afford this option!

7 comments:

Amy G said...

Hey, Tesi,
I don't think I've ever actually left a comment on your blog, but had to say I completely understand on this one. I LOVE staying home with Harrison and wouldn't trade it for anything...but some days...you don't want to see me at 5:15 when Kelly gets home. :)

Emily said...

*SIGH*

Maybe one day I'll be on your side of the fence!

I'm raising my imaginary tea set to you (no tea sets here yet...) in hopes...CHEERS! You are blessed!

rebekah said...

I forwarded this to Patrick - he'll appreciate it much!

amy smith said...

AMEN!

Jeanelle said...

Once again, Tesi, you say what I am thinking...

Todd will be walking in the door in a few minutes (about 9 pm) from a business trip to Chicago. Yes, it's hard for him to be gone, but he can go to sleep without cleaning anything, without tucking in anyone, without making anyone's lunch for school the next day.

You are right. It is greener on this side, but that doesn't mean it isn't tough. I'd love to take a shower or go to the bathroom without having one or two of my kids joining me. Seriously. A shower without someone needing something for 20 minutes sounds like heaven.

ChiTown Girl said...

Tesi, you always hit the mark with your beautiful writing. I think you should go the route Leslie has taken, and do some freelance stuff!

I'm in the interesting position of being in both worlds. For 10 months, I'm the "working" mom (SINGLE working mom, to be precise) then the other 2 months I have the pleasure of being a "stay-at-home" mom. Both are equally demanding in my book. I don't want to whine, but having to do it all by myself has made it even more difficult, but you get through it one day at a time. I can't believe my "baby" is going to be 15 in about a month and a half, and started high school a few weeks ago!! If I could do it over, I would love to have been able to stay home with him when he was little, even though I know it would have been very a demanding job. But, these 15 years went by so fast, that I wish I could back in time sometimes, and relive those precious moments that I had to miss out on because I was at work :(

It's the eternal dilemma moms everywhere deal with everyday, isn't it? I'm glad you wrote about it, and shared your thoughts.

Lindsay W said...

Thanks for this post and for reminding me that I am one of these lucky stay at home moms!