Pajama Day

It has officially been declared a pajama day today at our residence. The only person who has slipped (kind of) out of his pajamas is the Mr. because he went to work for a bit. He is now back in them. The kids have their footies on and it's quite nice. The snow has been falling in blankets since I woke up this morning. It's a good day to be alive. We probably won't leave the house at all today, but a trip to the grocery store is beginning to look like a necessity. I just ate a lunch rich with sugar and non-nutrients. It was delicious though, Cheetos and Oreos can't beat it! Don't worry, Trysten got a bowl of cereal.

Went out for my sister-in-law's 21st birthday last night. We ate at a really great restaurant sans children and I enjoyed some of the biggest laughs of my life, which is no surprise since I married into a family that is quite possibly the funniest people I've met. It was a lot of fun but quite a late night so the few cat naps I've gotten today really hit the spot.

We are coming off the Christmas high and our everyday life is starting to resume. I think about Tariku more on days like today. Especially now that he and his big brother have matching underoos that I surely would've put them in today. 2 people on the forum got news of travel. By the time they travel they would've been waiting 3 months. We are in our 7th week of waiting for travel. Could our call be far off? I think it will, seeings the government has not called about our fingerprints yet but perhaps...Even though Christmas is officially over, I'm not the kind of girl to let wishful thinking go out the window.

As one of our friends who is also adopting from ET asked, "A day like today with all the snow really makes you wish you were in Ethiopia, doesn't it?" Couldn't have said it better myself!

Twas the Day After Christmas

And all through the house, the mommy was cleaning and the kids were playing. We not only survived Christmas, but we thoroughly enjoyed every second. It is safe to say we all made out like bandits, including sweet Tariku. I was right in my guess that I had conflicting emotions throughout the day. Ranging from extreme highs to subtle lows. It was really hard seeing his pile of presents and know that he wouldn't be opening, let alone playing with, them anytime soon. But, above all, it was a good time. Here are some pictures of the weeks festivities. One of the highlights was my parents renewing their vows. They celebrated their 30th anniversary on August 20th but since that was also the day of my grandma's funeral they thought it'd be poor form to "celebrate" both. Anyhow, they had their new rings blessed and are ready for another 60 years. I also got to spend some time with a few of my high school friends as well as my paternal cousins, aunts, uncles and second cousins. It was a great time had by all!

Pics: Kids and my sister, Dailah and her favorite thing of all time--babies, our family pic we're sending to Tariku, my side of the fam's pic, Dailah in her Christmas dress from my sister, the kids and their Christmas PJs, Trysten and his new bike, Tariku's presents from Santa and us.

Update On Our Beautiful Middle Child

Tariku Asamu (referred to as either Asamu or Asamo from our agency in Ethiopia) has gained weight! Woohoo! Since being in the care center he has gained 3lbs. Doesn't sound like a lot but since he's been there only 2 months that's pretty great, I think. Last night at dinner my sister-in-law said his measurements are about equal to my nephew, Oliver. Couldn't help but hold him just a few more times than usual last night. I even found myself closing my eyes and just picturing holding Tariku for a bit. It felt good, I must say.

We are in Altoona with my family. I can't say enough how much I love the Christmas season. I know for some it can bring them further from the real "reason of the season" because it's easy to get swept up in equal presents, etc. I seem to get ever closer. It's easier for me to remember what an impact that little baby in the manger has had on me. That He has saved me from so much, it's amazing to me. The celebration of Christmas never seems enough to Praise Him.

I can't help but think of Tariku's Ethiopian family this time of year either. I am blessed to be close to all of my family and will get to see all of them (but one of my cousins...weep, weep). My sweet boy will be in an orphanage this Christmas. For those that know me, know this is almost too hard to bare. I know they do a nice celebration and everything but it's just not the same. I have a feeling this will be my first Christmas where I have more conflicting emotions than ever before.

The smell of bacon is reaching my nostrils in the most intense way. I must be back in Altoona. :)

Dossier in ET!!

Yay, I couldn't resist today so I wrote our wonderful Ethiopian Coordinator just one small email. "Just seeing where we were at in the process, sorry to bother I'm just missing my son today."

She wrote back, "Dossier is in country prepared for court. It gets submitted to court then awaits a court date. Hang in there!"

One step closer. Mommy is one step closer, Tariku.

Friends

Sometimes I'm snappy. Yesterday someone said, "I can't believe you are a mom to two kids". "Actually I'm a mom to three" I retorted rather nastily. My friend, Jody, and I were talking today about adoption. It's all consuming for us, why isn't everyone else in the world thinking about that? Why would someone call me a mom to two when I'm so obviously a mom to three?

I must say having Jody in my life has made this adoption SOO much easier to handle. It is nice having a friend to talk to about it all, share resources and laugh while our kids go running around her house. I've found adoption, like all things in life, is a bit easier to float through and smile through when you're sharing it with people you enjoy chatting with.

Biggest Loser finale tonight. Better go get myself prepared.

But You're Strong, Mommy.

Trysten has an imaginary friend, his name is Tariku and he happens to be Trysten's brother. When I make the kids breakfast, Trysten insists I make a (pretend) breakfast for Tariku. When I tuck him in at night, Trysten insists Tariku join us for prayers and snugglebugs. You know it's getting long when Trysten is beginning to believe his brother is just a figment of his imagination.

We got our immunizations today. So we went the "cheap" route and only got the shots that would prevent us from dying and/or making us wish we were dead. Those were Hep A, (we got Hep B at our doc's office), Yellow Fever and Typhoid. We skipped out on a few things but I was reassured that I would still be loved if I got any of the following: meningitis, polio, tetanus, etc. So, 3 shots each cost us $650. SERIOUSLY. That's ridiculous. Adoption is a pricey adventure, but one look at Tariku's eyes and I'd survive another 30 shots at $100 a pop. That's no jokes. But my arm hurting is no jokes either. The title of this post comes because Trysten was a great help when we were getting our shots. He held our hands and all. Well, I got mine first (by the way, did you know the Yellow Fever shot is shot basically in your armpit? 1) gross, 2) ow!) and I didn't bleed, nor did I squeeze his hand very tight. Well, Zach went next and he did bleed and Trysten reported later that he squeezed really tight. So a few minutes ago I was talking about how badly my arms hurt and Trysten said, "But you're strong, mommy". I'm going to assume it's because he recognizes how truly strong I am and not because of my subliminal messages I've been giving him since birth. I.e. mommy is stronger than daddy, women can beat up men if they want to, mommy can beat daddy in a leg race, mommy can beat daddy in an arm wrestling competition, mommy can squat more than daddy, etc.

I better be off to make some of my famous fettucine chicken alfredo, it is a favorite of everyone but mine; I find it's quite easy to sacrifice for the precious faces that stare at me across the table.

Indiana Jones

You know you are getting old when it's 7:45 on a Friday night. The wife is sitting on the computer checking out her favorite blogs and other ridiculous websites. The husband is watching Indiana Jones: The Raiders of the Lost Ark. The wife is remembering the class she took in the Iowa college of cinema that talked about movies and sound (specifically referring to Indiana's score--often referred to as "da, da, da, da, da da da da"--as well as the villian's score --dark, rustic, you get the picture). Both husband and wife sit on different couches drinking a glass of wine. That is old, especially when they are both thinking about going to bed in T minus 1 hour. Alas that is us in all of our elderly glory.

Funny comment by Trysten the other day. It reminded me of why I don't feel old enough to parent some days. Let me set the scene: Trysten was upstairs after waking up in the morning. We went downstairs when we heard Dailah babbling. I put her on the changing table. Trysten watches. The following is an almost-verbatim glimpse into our lives.

Trysten: Mommy, girls don't have penises do they? What did you say it was called again?

Mommy: Girls have vaginas, Trysten.

Trysten: Oh that's right. (Turns to Dailah) Nice vagina, Dailah.

WHAT?!?!?!?! What do I do in this case? It was so innocent and pure but all I wanted to do was laugh at the fact that my almost 5-year old is using terms like penis and vagina in a sentence; and saying them the way they should be. It's not riddled with sexual innuendo (as it would be if their dad was trying to have the same discussion) but just very basic. Incredible.

I don't know what I'll ever do when it comes to the "sex talk". I'm not entirely convinced I'll be very good at that even though I know it's necessary. If my intuition is anything like I think it is, I'm going to guess it will look mostly like me pretending to bite my nails and Zach doing all the talking. He's a talker, that's just what he does. Go for it, sweetness.

Anyhow, according to the score in Indiana Jones, it is about time to see some pretty crazy Indiana Jones ass kicking. Can't beat that on a Friday night. If you think you can, I'd love to hear from you. Until then, da da da da, da da da da da.

1 Month Down

We've been waiting for travel for one month. Yesterday marked exactly one month ago that we learned of our brown eyed baby in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Looking back it went quite quickly. Some days are harder than others.

Last night Zach and I got to go shopping as Santa Claus. It is our first Christmas where we went together to get the kids their stuff. It was a lot of fun. I think all the kids will be happy with their loot. I was getting a little crazy, Zach had to remind me that Tariku was not actually with us yet and, as much as I imagined him tearing through the wrapping to open up his new winter coat, he was not going to be doing it. He would still be in a blazing hot climate with very little knowledge of us.

Last night was also the first night Zach and I got to talk in length about our fears, hopes, etc. Usually there's a child and/or family member around and we don't feel like we can be as open as we might be otherwise. It was good to get my hubby to talk about his expectations. I think we are both very realistic in what we are expecting and I myself am preparing for the worst (constant tantrums, neverending grief, etc) and hoping for the best. The hardest part thus far is trying to tell Trysten every time he talks about Tariku that it will still be some time before we can bring him home.

By far the most difficult thing for Zach and I to wrap our heads around is our life. We've suffered loss, sure. But the loss of a family, culture, home; these are things we know nothing about nor can we pretend that we could possibly understand what that must feel like. Zach is afraid he will come back from Ethiopia and feel the slightest bit worthless with this life in the land of the privaleged. I am trying to see the positive in that we can be the propellants who make our family and friends aware of the plight happening to our brothers and sisters in Africa and around the world. We will see how even more passionate we can become about this subject after we have "been in the trenches" (or at least as much as you can for a week, in a nice guest house) with our family in Ethiopia.

For now, we can wait. I am guessing the very earliest they will be calling us about travel will be this time in January to tell us of a Feb travel. The good part about the wait is it is giving us time to really learn about the conditions of the peoples of Ethiopia. The HIV pandemic in Africa and the monstrosity in Darfur. There is no shortage of places in the world in desperate need of prayer and I've learned the more I learn the more I want to learn and the more I NEED to help. I would encourage one and all to do the same! The worst part about the wait is that my child is half a world away and my cheeks are in desperate need of kisses from three children.

Cookie Dough Kind of Day

I'm eating cookie dough straight from the tube, it's a "Big Batch" so I'm feeling confident I won't dominate the entire thing tonight.

I wrote our Ethiopian Coordinator to ask if she thought it'd be 12-16 weeks until travel from the time we accepted the referral (almost 1 whole month ago) or from when our homestudy was finally turned in (like, 1 day ago) and she said it wouldn't be until our dossier was translated and sent to ET. I'm fairly certain this was her way of breaking it to us that we might want to sit tight. So...I'm eating cookie dough. Straight from the tube.

We went to get our groceries tonight, Zach took the kids in one cart and I went shopping in the other. Turns out it is kind of fun when the kids aren't pulling at every aisle, wanting down to walk, etc. Anyhow, got to linger in a few aisles and I have no idea why I did it, but I went to the kids clothing. There was a size chart, according to that Tariku is a size 3T. So what did I do? Yup, looked at every one and pictured his beautiful brown eyes peeking out. There was the Diego hat and mittens that his smile lit up. There was a soccer outfit that was fitting for the boy who can't get enough of the game. It's all here. Everything is waiting for him and he has no idea.

I've been reading my friend's blog (check "Ehrman" on the side) because she's in ET right now picking up a girl who is Tariku's age and is from his same village. I drink up every word she says about the care center and the little boys she sees.

I need to change the way these blogs are taking shape. You'd never know my life is basically perfect and I can't get enough of it all. It's just a truly interesting crossroads in my life right now. Looking forward to seeing how it all plays out. :)

Just Because

Here are pics of the kids "just because" these two people make me feel better. Can't wait to be able to post the third's pic!

Random Acts of Violence

My daughter is abusive. If you see me walking around with bruises and/or tiny handprint marks, don't blame Zach, blame my 16-month-old. Right now, she is playing swords with my almost 5-year-old and laughing. Not a cute, I'm a baby laugh, but like an evil laugh. One akin to what the Wicked Witch of the West would do. Don't know how to get her to stop. We'll be playing and snuggling, she'll get a cute little grin on her face then wind up and smack me. Open fist smack. Makes noise and everything. I'm concerned, she seems to delight in it a bit too much. We've done everything we can think of and yet, she continues.

She and Trysten are really starting to enjoy playing together (side from the times that she slaps him and he cries, then she cries then I cry). It really is the cutest thing and it makes me very excited to have yet another one thrown in the mix within the next few months. It will be chaos but it will be joy, it thrills me.

We survived another couple days without Zachary again. The kids showed signs of missing their dad early in the week but were able to come through for me and were all kinds of fun (save for the aforementioned slapping).

I got the crud that the kids and Zman had. DARN-IT-ALL. I tried telling him my body won't get sick during the holidays because I'm too happy. Alas, my miserably bad immune system failed me again. Owell, don't tell my pharmacist of a sister but I'm finishing Zach's meds off for him see if we can save on the $10 co-pay. Very "green" if you ask me.

Still no movement on the house. Z and I learned that, in order to save the marriage, we must make "house" a 4 letter word and never speak of it again. When someone asks about it, we "shh" them quicker than you can say "No talking in the library" and pretend that we live in our old house. I often find myself going into a fetal position and wishing we were in a different house, but alas I uncurl and find the chant "there's no place like home" only takes me to here...home. Yippee kai yi yay motha .... you get the idea.

Here's to at least one day of no violence, no sore throats and a strong wind blowing the top of this house down (all of us being okay, obviously), oh yeah, and an email that says we can go pick up Tariku.

Tough

So this process is tough. There is no way around that, I knew going into it that'd be the case, and I definitely know now. I think the hardest part for me is when our expectations aren't meant. It's like that with life in general, but with adoption perhaps it increases. Our process has been a bit different than "normal". "Normally" you get all your paperwork in, the dossier complete. It goes over to Ethiopia, gets translated and sits and waits, somewhere between 4-6 mths for you to get your referral. Once you get your referral, it is sent all in one package to the courts and waits for it to go through court and let you know you're free to travel.

Well we got our referral even before all of our paperwork was in. We were just waiting for the homestudy basically, for it to be sent over. Well the homestudy was sent to us on Monday of this week (as noted before, that was about 6 weeks later than we planned). We talked to our Ethiopian coordinator to see what happens next and she wrote back today saying she didn't receive the homestudy yet. This is frustrating on a number of levels but it all boils down to our expectations weren't met. Now our expectations have collided with the fact that Tariku is waiting for us. The care center that CHSFS runs is beyond wonderful, but it doesn't take the place of two loving parents, two loving siblings and one extremely loving chocolate lab. The more Tariku bonds with the nannies at the care center, the more difficult it will be for his bonding process with us.

When we accepted the referral we were told somewhere between 12-16 weeks for travel. They also told a couple other families that same time frame who received referrals that week. The problem is those other families had their dossiers complete, translated and waiting for their good news. We don't. I have a feeling we will see those families who received their referrals after us travel before us all because the "ducks weren't in a row". It's a harsh reality, especially since we've paid a pretty penny for those ducks to be in a row.

It's hitting me hard today. We're snuggled up in our nice warm house, watching the sleet come down outside and I wish I was making 3 cups of hot cocoa and 2 coffees. I realize we have our lives to spend with Tariku as our son and when I put it in perspective I know God's timing is perfect. But alas I am human, and perhaps more so today, I am a mom. Mom's don't function well when one of their children is being wronged and I guess that's what I'm feeling for Tariku today. Mama Bear is fighting for you, Tariku. I am a fightin.

"He Repeats Any Words He Hears"

We just got an update on our Tariku. I must admit it was a superb feeling even hearing that about him. That he speaks well in his language and is learning Amharic (the national Ethiopian language) daily, as shown in the title, he repeats any words he hears. We also got a chest x-ray (which looked perfect) and I count that as a picture. It looks precious even in his chest x-rays! It kind of reminded me of an ultrasound of our babes, accept this time there was a personality report with it!

So it's been a good week. Yesterday we got our Hep B shot, we'll have to get 2 others for the series. We will be scheduling our other vaccinations today so that when they say, "You can go pick up your son." We can say, "On our way"! I also talked to a few travel agents yesterday about our possible travel time (February-March). Both companies said this was the best time of year to travel as it's the cheapest and easiest to get flights. It sounds like we'll leave from Moline, IL, stop in Chicago, IL, head to Washington, D.C., 8 hours to Rome where we don't get off the plane but they refuel and clean for 45 minutes then we head on to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia for another 8 hours (I might have that wrong but it's close). Anyhow, it doesn't sound too bad considering I've been to Australia where it was about 21 hours. Either way, going there we will be embarking to pick up our son and on the way back we will have him and be on our way to settling in as a family of 5. It will be a great trip indeed!

We also had the guys who are going to renovate the upstairs come twice this week. We should be getting the layout today. It sounds like they will have it done in 8 weeks so long as we keep getting timely acceptance from the good folks at the Y. It was SOOO nice hearing them talk about it all. He said once we give them the okay to go they would start demo and within 2 weeks would see drywall being hung and the new layout would be obvious. What did I say to that? "Go ahead!" The only problem is that we will have to move out of the upstairs altogether. Right now that houses our master BR, BA and living room. Doesn't sound like much but we've crammed A LOT of furniture in that part. It shall be interesting to see us all downstairs!

That also means I couldn't decorate for Christmas like I usually do. Truth be told I'm typically a minimalist as far as decorating goes...that is, until it comes to Christmas. Then minimal is no longer in my vocabulary and "Santas every time I turn around" is how I would explain my decor. Thus, I was forced to decorate the kitchen and that's about it. It still looks great if you ask me.

Better be off to train my favorite client! Happy Friday!

First Ickies of the Winter

Both kids are downstairs sleeping. About every 2-5 minutes I hear one or both coughing. Not the ahem, ahem cough but the deep, came from the bottom of the lungs, waded through mush and popped through the throat, kind of cough. I cringe every time I hear it and resist the overwhelming urge to go pick them both up and make it a family bed night. They are my babies and even though I cringe when I hear it, I am so very thankful I hear it.

My friend, Jody, said of her twins waiting for her in Sierra Leone that she runs around always feeling a bit like she doesn't have all her children with her (she and her husband have 4 boys as well). It's like when my kids go visit my parents and sister for a week in the summer. It's fun to hang out with Zach, and we enjoy our time together but I always miss them. I never sleep quite the same, I am...unsettled. When we reunite it feels right again. I sleep well, I am no longer living on edge and I am actually relaxed. But for the last week and 3 days I have felt unsettled again. This weekend we decorated cookies and Zach made one with Tariku's name on it. The realization that all of my kids aren't with me and I may not relax until we are all together under one roof hit me hard when I saw the sugar coated goodness. I recognize how badly I want to know, firsthand, whether Tariku sleeps like his big brother and little sister tonight.

1 1/2 weeks down, 10 1/2-14 1/2 to go!

Happiest of Thanksgivings

Just wanted to wish my faithful a Happy Thanksgiving! There is no need to tell everyone just how much I have to be thankful for. Tariku came surprisingly quick but we are so very thankful for him. I am thankful for my husband, my kids, my dog. But even the basics are worth mentioning, of course. Though I complain about this house, I am grateful for it as well since it has afforded me things I wouldn't be able to have, without it. I can't list everything in this one blog, there is just not enough room.

So I truly hope you all can find at least a few things to be thankful for!

It begins...

I've just spent the last 3 hours shopping for African hair products. I don't even know what I'm doing. I have no business pretending to know what is going on. But after reading and rereading some comments on the forum I think I'm becoming ever so slightly more informed. I am shopping for hair products for a boy whose hair I've never even touched. I'm shopping for products because this is the only way I know how to take care of my son who's halfway across the world.

On a slightly better note, I've done some online Christmas shopping as well so at least the last 3 hours will have been somewhat productive.

As a baby book mention, Dailah is getting her molars to come in, which is crazy weird seeings her teeth in between haven't come in yet but it's cool. I'm surprised she hasn't been complaining as they are some honkin teeth!

We get to send Tariku a 1 gallon bag full of stuff. There's a lot of pressure on me to send the coolest stuff ever to be received by a child at the care center (obviously the pressure is all mine seeings I can't let go of my uuber competitive nature). But seriously, he will be "meeting" us in this bag. OH THE PRESSURE! Right now I'm thinking we'll send a blanket that Terre embroidered with his name on it that we've been sleeping with so it smells like us. A picture book with pictures of the family describing who we are with pages left to fill once we get to Ethiopia and meet him. Trysten is going to put a few of his toys in, knowing they will probably not come back home. I want to do something really neat, like put a tape recorder of Zach playing the guitar and singing a few songs to him. I might even work up the courage to sing a bedtime lullaby or something like that, we'll see! So anyway, I'm trying to get that together right now but I've noticed I have very few pictures of me alone or Zach alone and we have no family pictures to speak of. Things to do I suppose!

Sacrifice

So tomorrow it will be a week since we learned of sweet Tariku. Time has went by surprisingly quickly, which I will be ever so thankful for if it continues to do so until he comes home! It seems every day I think of him or the situation surrounding him in a different way. Today can be summed up with the title of this post.

We went to church today. It was a baptism day so we heard a lot about what baptism means and what it meant in the original context. Our pastor was talking about Christ being baptized and how it wasn't necessary for him seeings he was sinless and all. He theorized on why Christ might have done it anyway but then he said, "We are not saved because He was born, we are not saved because He was baptized, we are saved because He died." Wow! I certainly cannot relate to Christ's unfailing sacrifice, but...

My thoughts returned to Tariku and his amazing Ethiopian family. We know Tariku's background but will be keeping it quiet until Tariku is old enough to hear it and decide who he wants to tell and who he doesn't. It is his story, afterall, and we don't want him to hear it from anyone but us. I've been very up front about the complications of adoption. By and large I feel the emotional complications a lot more than perhaps "practical" (i.e. money, etc) because I'm an emotional person. So throughout this adoption I've grieved for the child I didn't know and his family I didn't know. Most of all, I grieved for his mother, whoever she may have been. As a mom, I realize we sacrifice (hopefully) something every day for our child. Today I sacrificed my last bite of salted nut roll for Trysten. Doesnt sound like a lot but those who might be telling themselves that obviously don't know how much I freaking LOVE salted nut rolls...anyhow...I've often thought about the sacrifice Tariku's family had to endure to give him life for 2+ years.

Today, I couldn't help but think I don't have it in me. I look at my kids and I would most certainly choose death if it was that or anything bad happening to them. I am not alone in that feeling. But to actively choose to make an adoption plan for my child so that they will have a life that is something I may not be able to give them; I'm just not sure I have it in me. Perhaps I am more selfish than I like to admit. I want to see them grow up, I want to be the one wiping their tears and the one they call mom. I sometimes think of dying (not in a morbid way, just...well whatever, it sounds weird not matter what I say). And I've found I'm certainly not afraid of dying seeings I know the gloriousness that awaits me, but I am horrifyingly sad that I won't be THERE for my kids in the sense that they will be able to reach out and touch me. The fact that *hopefully* Zach would find someone who is as close to perfect as I am. :) But thinking of them calling anyone but me mom, is an altogether sad thing for me.

So back to Tariku, can you imagine the love he was raised in? Can you even fathom the sacrifice? If you've seen his beautiful face you know what I'm talking about. It's written all over those beautiful lips and those perfect eyes. It tells the story of the sacrifce. It tells the story of the sadness he has felt but the love throughout the gesture. Tariku will forever know of the love that brought him to us. He will know of his abaye and amaye (father and mother) and he will know it was love that we can all count on. Love, truly, never fails. I long for children everywhere to know that there are people out there who would die for them. Who would make an adoption plan if it meant they wouldn't ever have to know the struggles they went through. I hope kids everywhere know they are worth at least that. I hope people everywhere know just how far love can take us. Mine, I'm happy to say, is taking me to Ethiopia and back.

Possibly 4 Months...Really?

I didn't sleep very well last night. I thought about Tariku. I pictured him laughing, it was beautiful. I pictured him sleeping, it was angelic. I pictured him playing soccer, it was joy. I pictured him looking at me as his mom, it was love.

It's amazing, really. How sometimes my heart actually aches. My younger son is halfway across the world and he's doing all of these things that I mentioned. He's doing all of them without me. He has experienced something in life NO ONE should ever have to and yet...he lives. Contrary to what our human nature tells us; that if something is bad enough we'll just disapper, he lives! He lives and he seemingly thrives. He is a fighter (which I'm sure will give me gray hairs throughout our lives together) and I couldn't be more excited to meet this person!

Trysten and I talked about Tariku tonight for the better part of 2 hours, all with Trysten asking questions. I have taken things with him fairly slowly since there are still a few months before Tariku comes home. But Tman was just asking all these questions about what he'd be like, what he's like. I wished I could answer all of them for him. But I talked about how it might be a little difficult to understand what he's saying at first and he might need a little more attention than most of the 3-yr-olds he knows. I told Trysten he'd have to share his toys and his room and it might not be fun all the time, though we hope it will be more than not. He said, "Mommy, if I have a toy and Tariku wants it, I'll just give it to him and get a different one." I told him he didn't have to do that all the time, but it would be nice sometimes. He says, "No mommy, I want to give it to Tariku, he's my brother."

I asked him how he was feeling about it all. Was he happy or sad? Excited or scared? He thought about it for a minute and said, "I think I'm about halfish (I need to stop making up words around him) don't know and halfish happy. I thought that was ridiculously profound for a 4-yr-old and arguably of a human no matter the age. Because I would guess if I had to put my emotions into words it'd be somewhat similar. The don't know half is just that, we have no idea what to expect. But I've always subscribed to the choose happiness category instead of the let fear run your life category. It's healthier, and that alone will get me through life with my sanity in check.

But just when I think Trysten couldn't get more amazing, he does. We were saying our nightly prayers and he prays, "Tell Tariku that I love him and bring him home safely when he comes." He asked me if I thought Tariku knows that we love him. I told him I hope he can feel that he is loved. Trysten said, "I think he does know that we love him mom. I think Jesus whispers in our ears when we're sleeping. I think the other night (his phrase meaning last night) he whispered in mine that Tariku loves me the most and that is how I know Tariku knows who I am. So if Jesus is whispering in my ear, I bet he is with Tariku too and so he knows mommy, don't worry." That is word for word what he said, I went and wrote it down right away. He also said it as he played with my hair. This all led to me bawling my eyes out when I left his room.

So I must praise God tonight, not just for Tariku or Trysten or Dailah but for the wisdom of the youngest of us. I now know exactly why God tells us to have faith like a child.

Our Referral!!!!

You read that right, our referral has arrived. It actually arrived Monday but we wanted to really think and pray on it before officially accepting it (which we did today). I was waiting to tell you, dear blog readers and have been excited to do so. Especially since this is my 100th blog post and I must thank our newest son, Mr. Tariku Asamu Abiyu for the best 100th post in recorded history.

To the details...Tariku is around 2 yrs and 8 mths. We are not allowed to post pictures on any internet sites until we go to court, but I will post his picture on here immediately once they let us know we can! Even without the picture, he is perfect. As the social worker was telling us about him, I was of course crying and soaking it all in. He is perfect in every sense of the word.

To set the stage, as noticed from my last post, the SW didn't have our homestudy done. So I had left her a message "nicely" stating how disappointed we were that it wasn't done yet. Well during nap time on Monday, I heard my phone ring and saw that it was her. I was honestly considering not answering because I just wasn't in the mood to hear any excuses. But, against my "better judgement" I did. Conversation went as follows (or something close)

Cindy: Hey Tesi, It's Cindy, are you sleeping?

Tesi: Of course not! (thinking she would not let me adopt should she find out I like napping in the afternoons)

Cindy: Oh okay, well I wanted to call and talk to you about something, is Zach there? (Note: after that, I knew what the call was about because on our adoption forum, everyone has said they say key things to let you know it's the referall call)

Tesi: Um, he's in his office that's just up the hill, well I guess you know where it's at since you've been here, but I'll run really fast, well as fast as I can anymore, you know what I mean. This phone can't dial 3 way can I call you back on this number when we have speakerphone?

Cindy: (laughing) yes, that'd be fine. talk to you soon.

I sprinted out the door (man it felt good) tried running with Zach's slippers on and noticed it would take 3 seconds longer if I tried to make it there with them so I threw them off. Ran up the hill and pounded on Zach's door to his office. He was meeting with his program director at the time but I didn't care. I yelled, through glass and open air, "Cindy is on the phone, we need to call her back, it's THE call honey"!

Zach: Come in (said rather sarcastically now that I think about it, how rude)

Tesi: panting

Zach: How do you know she isn't just wanting to talk to us about the homestudy?

Tesi: feeling bummed because I never did qualify it as being THE call, "Well no, I think it's really happening."

Zach: give me your phone.

We call Cindy on my cell but the speaker phone doesn't work so we have to hang up and call her on Zach's work phone (thanks Scott County Family Y).

Well it ended out great, obviously. We heard about our baby and I haven't stopped looking at his picture and reading every word since. We already got an update on his measurements and it looks like he's around 3' tall and 30 lbs which is nice sized even for American standards, let alone Ethiopian. (Those that know the Klipschs now understand why God gave him to us.)

In all honesty, God is good. And the picture shows Tariku's spirit. I look at him and his personality shows me that, contrary to everything he has experienced in life so far, he truly believes life is good. Dearest Tariku, I couldn't agree more.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The Good:
1) Our friends, the Landers, just got word that they're traveling on Saturday to meet their babies in Sierra Leone. It has been a long time coming and my excitement for them surprises even me!
2) We had a really good weekend with my mom's side of the family celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas (my grandparents go South for the winter). It is so nice to see all the family and catch up!

The Bad:
1) I got a bit of a sore throat. It is getting progressively scratchier. Boo hiss
2) Miss Dailah picked up a nasty cough as well and has only been sleeping in fits and spurts. Let's hope tonight is different!

The Ugly:
1) I wrote our Ethiopian Coordinator to ask if we were officially waiting since they cashed our hubba bubba checks. She wrote to say our doctors didn't fill their sheets our properly (so we'll get that fixed tomorow) and OUR SOCIAL WORKER HAS NOT TURNED IN OUR HOMESTUDY!!!!!!! As you'll see by our Adoption Timeline, our homestudy has been done for a month and she still has not written in/turned it in. Imagine my surprise when we've already theoretically paid her for such things!

So our great weekend ended on a bit of a sour note with that email. I realize she might be busy, but these people have to be put on some sort of timeline to get these done! It baffles me! So pray that she sees the immediacy in the issue. ,