This past week has been challenging on so many different levels. At the core of me, I know that I'm a do-er. I think I'm a good listener too but the people closest to me know that if they tell me something, I'm going to want to do something. I'm not good at listening, digesting and then sitting. And honestly, that's all I've been able to do this week.
Sit on my hands and listen or read or think and pray.
Jody. Oh, how my heart is broken for her. I remember almost a year ago Jody, Amy, Cassie and I had been interviewed by someone at church about Water for Christmas and after that he wanted to interview us about adoption.
It started out innocently enough, asking the whys and the hows. Then it got kind of personal, asking how well (or not well) the church supported us. Jody was just sitting there watching and I just broke down in sobs, knowing I personally couldn't have gotten through Tariku's adoption with my faith and my spirit intact without her. Because she's good at that stuff. She isn't nearly as emotional as I am (imagine that), she's levelheaded, she's supportive, she justified my emotion when it was warranted and gave me a verbal slap in the face when that was also warranted. We laughed together and cried together, walked that road together (with much support from other friends as well).
And so this past week I just wanted to repay her for that and everything else she's done for me. If you're reading her blog (which you should because it's amazing) you'll know she's stronger and more mature about the whole thing than most people could possibly imagine. I find myself in complete awe of her and her faith and her strength. How am I supposed to be a do-er when she's do-ing so much already? She's not sugar coating the truth, and even if you don't know her I have no doubts you can feel the rawness of everything.
But this week for me, because of Jody and a few other things, I've turned to prayer more than I ever have in my life. For the first time I've seen prayer as something I can do. Imagine that!
And it's brought me closer to the God of grace, of love and mercy. This God who has saved me, a woman who sins every single day, from complete devastation and disillusionment.
How humbling to be able to call God "father", sometimes I wonder how that's possible when I'm me and I know the sins I've thought, said and done.
Christians sometimes get a bad rap in the world, and sometimes it's deserved. But I've found too that just assuredly as you can find someone who is the example of darkness calling themselves a "Christian" you can find more who are examples of light. I know so many people who have devoted their lives to Jesus who are the epitome of love, life and wonder in a world that isn't always so.
And Jody's one of those. One of those people who is an example of God's love and mercy despite not necessarily seeing examples of that in her life right now. I can't imagine how it'd be possible for her to be and to feel the way she is without knowing who holds her heart in His hands and who is the Author of her story.
If you're in need of inspiration, go visit Jody. Show her your support in love and in prayer. That's what I'm do-ing. I'm going to rally my blog readers around her as she's done so often for me. That and pray, for her, for Andy, for their family. I hope you will too.