Stop Looking at Me Swan

So the dossier is done. The dossier is done and it is sitting in a manilla envelope and it..is..looking at me. It won't stop! It's started talking to me too. I know, it sounds crazy, but it's true.

The dossier is complete, it looks pretty too. Zach and I have sworn our lives away, had a notary witness it all (thanks, Nate) and we can't send it in. Why can't we send it in? Because adoption is expensive. It's not just expensive, it's complicatingly so. We were just going to get your basic loan, I mean, we've taken loans out for cars and homes, none of which we wanted as much as this. But it turns out that loan can't be so basic, etc, etc. So we're waiting to figure that out a bit more. But the dossier won't stop looking at me.

It's honestly like that dossier IS our child(ren). I feel guilty not sending it since it's done. I feel like our child is just out there and in the worst of circumstances and somehow, me turning in my dossier would make it even just a slight bit better (granted, not as great as it would be if they weren't in this situation in the first place, but anyhow). The dossier is the last link in getting our child(ren). Once we turn that in, the next step is finding out who our child(ren) is. The longer we wait to turn it in, the longer it will take to find out. I've never been accused of having any resemblence of patience but in this situation, it's the worst I've experienced.

In fact, it got so bad yesterday..I drove by a sign that said if I signed up for the National Guard, they would give me a $20,000 signing bonus. I contemplated doing it, can you believe it?

Anyhow, it will all come together, I just have to learn a bit about this thing they call patience. Thanks to my hubby for being the most amazing man in history, he really truly is. His patience is lasting for the both of us, I fear for the time his wears thin as well. I'm off, better go hide the dossier before I start hugging and kissing it and putting it to bed at night.