Wednesday, December 08, 2010

4 Month Check up

4 months home, that's bananas. So this is our "check up". For bio babes you might take the tiny humans to a doctor and get them weighed and measured, etc etc. For our adopted babes, I like to do random check ups that have little to do with their physical growth. I'm not sure it's the healthiest thing in the world to do, but here I am...

When I was talking to Rebekah a month or so ago we were talking about this. With our bio babes we get 9 months of intense bonding. You feel the kicks, you feel the moves, etc. So they pop out and you love them (please know I've never dealt with PPD, so I'm only talking about my experience). We have for our bio babes, pure love. We don't question it, we just revel in it.

With our adopted babes we don't allow for that "pure love" (again, just my experience, it could be my particular psychosis neurotic behavior). Not at first anyway. I'm there with Tariku, but in the beginning we're constantly questioning. A moment might come when we're purely elated in that love high and then we turn on ourselves and ask stupid things like "Wow was that love? Was that just like? Did that feel real? What was that?"

So after we decided to adopt again I made a pact with myself to not do that as much as I did with Tariku. I made a pact to try to just save it for certain days, days like "4 months home". The pact was going to free me up to revel in whatever I was feeling-like or love. I have to say I've been pretty great at it. But it's one of those days of reflection for me and I want to have where we're at and were we've been on record.

Tomas. What an amazing kid. 6-years-old. A built little boy. He was sturdy when we brought him home, but since he came home we've noticed his skin is darker (healthier) and his hair is darker, less brittle (healthier). Tomas is doing so well. He's doing well in school, he's excelling in learning English. Right now we are working through eating issues, namely, he eats 3 times what I eat. But Tomas is so good, whenever he asks for seconds (or thirds) we ask him, "Are you still hungry or does it just taste good?" Tomas takes a few minutes, assesses his situation and then answers honestly. If he tells us he's still hungry, we'll give him more. But more often than not it's just that it tastes good and/or he's eating just in case it doesn't come again.

In the care center Tomas was head hauncho for sure. We've noticed lately he likes puppeteering a bit. Lately he's enjoyed trying to decide which sibling he will play with, which sibling he won't, sibling(s) who might be playing by themselves, etc. Homie don't play that game, so he doesn't get away with it much, but he certainly tries. :)

So far Tomas appears to be our musician. He gravitates towards the guitar and drums and gravitates away from athletic endeavors. Tomas is funny, he's smart and he's silly. And I love him. I really love him. On less than stellar days, I can get annoyed at all of his questions. He has lots! But most days I can put things into perspective and appreciate his inquisitive nature.

Binyam. He hasn't changed much at all physically, actually. His skin has certainly gotten darker and healthier but his hair is about the same, as is his body. He is a teeny tiny 4-year-old who would never eat again if it were up to him but who would love to drink his body weight in water and/or milk 5 times a day. In fact, breakfast takes a mere hour to finish for him, ahem. :) I'm refraining from Dr. Google but I do wonder about diabetes or something?

Binyam has not progressed as much in English formation as Tomas (and Tariku, actually). Many reasons for this but perhaps the biggest is that he has siblings who are more than happy to answer for him before he can even get the chance. Binyam is also good about batting his cute little eyelashes and asking for help rather than trying it himself. At the care center we noticed he would just have to look at a nanny and they would come running over asking what he needed and how they could help. We're trying to give him the confidence he needs to learn both how to accomplish things on his own and how to frame what he's feeling in English. :) So that's where he's at-needing a bit more help than any of the others but he's totally worth it.

Binyam is funny, so sweet, loving and kind. And I love him. With great big mama love. On less than stellar days I get upset that he still can't remember how to put his clothes on properly or that he doesn't notice that his coat is on upside down. But most days? Most days, I see him as my pure and true baby, worth every second of my life.

And life? Life is different with 5, it really is. In the best way possible. Truly, there are moments when I think I might even be able to manage 6 (please, someone commit me). But there are sacrifices to having a family like mine.

-I haven't baked homemade bread in months. We used to only eat homemade bread, now I buy the store bought without all of the junk, but it's not ideal for me.

-I used to make all of my own natural home cleaners. Nope, that hasn't happened for awhile either. Now I just buy them (with coupons!)

-I wanted to start a garden, might happen this summer.

-I want to learn to sew (it's getting ridiculous that I have to take Zach's pants to his mom just to have her sew on buttons!)

-I want to make more crafts with the kids, I want to make more cookies and linger in the kitchen. I want to have more date nights with single kids. I want to do a load of laundry every day and clean every week.

There are lots of things I want to do, and look forward to doing as the kids get older. But this is the phase of our lives. I know God wants me where I'm at. At home, spending the time with the kids. So the rest of that falls to the wayside, so what?

My kids love each other, they get along wonderfully most of the time. I could write post after post about each one of their unique personalities, which is a huge blessing.

So at 4 months home, I'm so happy with where we're at. I know our relationships will grow and evolve but right now, they are pretty darn good.


rebekah said...

Love this. We're (Patrick, I mean) buying bread too these days.

I love hearing about your new boys.

The most amazing thing about adopting an older child is getting to know them! The more settled they become, they more they share and relax. For example, it turns out Dagem has a sarcastic sense of humor. She'll do or say something, and I turn to her in surprise and we laugh together at her wicked sense of humor.

And as usual I have so many more thoughts but no time whatsoever.

Love you. Keep sharing this stuff.

Tamara B said...

Nice update. I would love to hang out with you some time and we can work on the sewing and the gardening - both things I love! And when I come to hang out, I can bring you my left over laundry detergent :)

Anonymous said...

Great update! This post speaks so much to how we feel in our lives right now, minus 3 kids. We are making sure to keep a bucket list of things we want to do and learn in the future but just know it won't work right now. It's always nice to have things to look forward to, right! - Lindsay W.