When I was gearing up to meet the ladies last weekend I really had to give myself a pep talk. I can sometimes be a little...much. I can talk a lot, my laugh is really loud, I have some nervous ticks that my husband agreed would be best to let out slowly.
One of those ticks would be my hypoglycemia. To make a long story short, if mama doesn't get fed every 2 hours I start sweating, getting dizzy and, on occasion, pass out. It's not fun. Because my flight was delayed an hour and half I got to Denver at noon (1pm CST) instead of the 10:30 I was supposed to. About an hour into the flight I started noticing I was super hungry. As we were landing I had one hand fanning my face and the other hand on the puke bag. I asked the flight attendant for a juice or something and proceeded to chug a can of Orange Juice.
Still not feeling the best, I met Jayme. She told me Deirdre had prepared a nice lunch for us. So I held off feeding the beast. The problem with hypoglycemia is if you wait too long then when you do eat, you end up feeling worse at first.
Enter Tesi at Deirdre's. I was quiet, sweaty, nervous and ill. I downed 2 glasses of water in hopes that I could regulate my blood sugar just enough to eat some food.
I'm not sure what happened the first hour I was there. Seriously.
Before we left for Cathy's I heard Jayme tell her kids "We won't be stopping so go pee now!" I got the message and went to the bathroom myself.
We got in the car, and, you guessed it, 30 minutes in and I needed to pee.
But I had new friends who didn't know just how small my bladder had become. They also didn't know my true personality yet as they'd only seen hypoglycemic Tesi and that biatch ain't pretty.
So I held it.
Until I started sweating again and my belly had gotten so large I thought it might pop my outfit.
My new friends were very sweet and kept their eyes peeled for exits (I can only assume it's because they are considerably more proper than I am. As I noted in text to Zach, "I don't think these women speak in contractions!"). I kept my eyes peeled for bushes.
There wasn't any of either.
Until there was one, bush that is. So even though I had to cross the highway, cross a smaller highway and avoid the railroad tracks, the bush looked like best case scenario.
Sarah documented the process.
Behind the middle bush you can just make out a PG photo of me "popping a squat". In a 1 piece jumper. If you do the math you will realize that I was both topless (with bra) and bottomless. Keepin' it classy.
Elapsed time 10 minutes.
And then I must navigate my way down the super dry bush. I did not do so successfully, I ended up impaling my foot on a bone no joke. Worth it.
You will be happy to know my new friends didn't drive away and leave me, though they did tease me all weekend about my sorry excuse for a bladder, which is exactly what I look for in friends.