This Stage

I don't know why I'm surprised to find out that each adoption can be different since each of my pregnancies was different. It certainly makes sense that every time you decide to build your family it will feel different.

With Tariku I was so focused on the adoption. By that I mean the paperwork, the waiting, the paperwork, the waiting and the dreaming. It wasn't until hindsight showed me just how inadequate the time I spent focusing on parenting another child was. I think that's why it took a few days/weeks for it to hit me "Holy junk, we have another child, when did that happen?"

And then I entered what I lovingly refer to as the "Did we just f-up our lives?" stage. To be fair, I had it with Dailah, Tariku and now I'm already there with the boys.

I think this is honestly a good place to be. This adoption went so smoothly and quickly I didn't have a chance to worry about the adoption part for too long. The whole time I've been preparing myself for two more boys instead of preparing myself for more paperwork, etc.

Yesterday I cleaned the house and for the couple hours it took to finish the task, the kids played outside the whole time. There was no fighting, no tattling, nothing. And that's when I remembered I'm going to go shake up this sunny world I've got going for me.

Please understand, I'm beyond excited to see the boys. If our agency called me today and said, "Psych-you get to leave tomorrow", I'd say "Peace out Quad Cities, I'm pickin up my boys!" I'm that excited about them and about our new family dynamics once they get there.

But I'm super realistic this time around. I know it will be hard at first. Hard for us, hard for them, hard for our other 3. For an undetermined amount of time I might be swimming in this "what did we just do" stage.

And that's ok.

Because I know in an also undetermined amount of time we'll be in the "This is better than I could've dreamed" stage.

So, like I've told a few people, I'm just ready to go. To get it started already. My anxiety is killing me with all of this time to imagine every worst (and some best) case scenarios.

2 weeks from tomorrow ladies and gents and I haven't packed a thing. But I have made lists. Lots and lots of lists (I do believe we're up to 10) so that's something.

Tomorrow my goal is to condense them down to 6 or 8. Doable?