Saturday, December 10, 2011

Let me tell you a little story

about my Spidey sense.

I have a freakish sense of smell. Zach calls it my basset hound. As in "honey, break out the basset hound I think I smell something".

When I was pregnant it got downright ridiculous. I could actually smell gas before it left the anal cavity. No. joke.

It both drove Zach crazy and impressed the hell out of him.

When we brought home the Christmas bush I immediately said to Zach, "This doesn't smell like a Christmas tree."

"That's because it's not, Tesi, it's a half dead cedar or something."

I didn't think too much of it because I was smitten with the darn thing.

Fast forward to the next day. We walked into the house and I immediately smelled kitty litter. Since we have a cat I naturally deduced that the kitty litter had gotten sucked into the vent system and was now spreading the smell throughout all of the house.

So I moved the kitty littler to a place that had no vent system anywhere near it.

The next day I walked in the house and it still smelled like, pardon my french, a bag of buttholes. Basset hound went to work and surmised it was the tree.

Crap.

I turned to Zach, broke the news that the tree was going to have to go. Basset hound couldn't possibly live harmoniously with the foul smelling bush for another month.

Zach's response? "This is my hell."

But he loves me more than any human deserves and so he properly disposed of the bush.

Unfortunately all that was left was a Christmas tree I bought (or maybe my sister bought, can't remember if I paid her back for that actually) for Wine to Water. It was $11. It is not pretty.

That said, she (clearly it's a she) kind of fits in our family. At least until I find another bush that doesn't smell like death warmed over.


*Please notice the wayward sword. House full of mostly boys, it's gonna happen.

6 comments:

ChiTown Girl said...

aw....gotta love a "Charlie Brown" tree!

Cindy said...

Damn. I have a freaky sense of smell too......I do not even want to think of what the teenage years are ging to do to me!
I think your little tree is just a perfect fill in
. Hope you can find a new bush soon :)

Chatter said...

I too in herited a ridiculous sense of smell. Sorry about the 'bag of buttholes' smell your tree was creating. And Zach's response was hilarious. My hubs would not have been that nice :)

I once painted a room with a quart of paint that came with our home (most likely left from that builders) and immediated after the room reeked of cat piss. It was the paint! I had to prime the room with Kilz and repaint it. Having a strong nose has it's pros and cons.

Good luck with a future tree. If not, I bet your charlie brown will do the job :)

semiferalmama said...

Sense of smell is directly related to estrogen, hence, the ability to smell things better when you are pregnant.
My sense of smell fluctuates on a regular schedule every single month.

cathy said...

Bwahahahaha! We once had Christmas in South Carolina where my brother lived. We rented a house and even though it was two days before Christmas, we HAD to go find a tree. My dad and brother found the last tree in town... lying by the side of the road. It was weird looking and smelled exactly like cat pee. Not that a cat had peed on it, but that was how the dang tree smelled all on its own. It was hilarious.

Captain Murdock said...

I have a crazy sense of smell as well. And when I was prego, oh my lands! I can still walk into my in-laws house and tell from the moment I walk in the door if they have over-ripe (aka, rotten) oranges in their fruit bowl.

Sorry about having to ditch the bush.